Wisconsin should have started 11 honey badgers on defense in the Rose Bowl instead of a bunch of oversized corn-fed boys. They would have stopped Tank Carder and TCU. You don’t think so? It takes several whacks from a machete to put them down. Wikipedia suggests using a club or a “powerful rifle” to kill a honey badger. Apparently their skin is “impervious to arrows and spears”. Here’s something the honey badger never suspected. Will it blend? Didn’t see that coming, did you? Stupid badger.
We could go on all day about the crazy nasty ass honey badger but we’ll let Randall fill you in. Here’s your nature lesson for the day.
Honey badger don’t care. Honey badger don’t give a shit. It just takes what it wants. Kind of like Cam Newton and his dad.
We’ve been warning you about the impending animal revolution ever since we started this here blog. Whether it’s been by post or Tweet, we’ve warned you not to take the animals for granted. They get smarter, quicker and faster while we lounge around calling them cute. I’m here to inform you that shit just got real.
The monkeys (especially chimps and baboons) were always the main concern but they were just a distraction. Let us introduce you to the harpy eagle otherwise known as the “monkey-eating eagle”. That’s right. David Falk ate cap space. This bird of prey eats fucking monkeys. Well not monkeys relating to each other but… You get the point.
The insanity doesn’t stop there. This eagle also eats sloths, deer and pigs. Guess who’s next? You guessed it. The BBC found out the hard way.
Big deal. It’s just a bird. How much damage could it do?
[Filmmaker Fergus] Beeley’s documentary-makers had to wear protective clothing including helmets, stab-proof kevlar vests and elbow and wrist guards, while working at platforms 40-50m high in a humidity that left them “permanently sweating”.
As well as the defensive attack on Aldred, the female harpy eagle hit one man in the kidneys and tore another’s leather thigh protection. “Most birds of prey are frightened of people, but this one is not,” said Beeley, whose team eventually fitted a nest-cam.
The bird has talons up to 5 in. long. It takes out monkeys and sloths in case you forgot.
Maybe we should let the harpy eagles and monkeys fight it out. That strategy may not have worked in the Middle East and South Asia but it’s worth a shot here. There is the chance that they call a truce and join forces. If that happens, we may be faced with a third front in the war of terror. That’s a risk we don’t want or need.
Anyone who has access to BBC2 should tune in to “The Monkey-Eating Eagle of the Orinoco“. Study their ways and report back. We need all the information we can get.
