Kwame Brown has reunited with the man that originally drafted him and subsequently emotionally stripped him, Michael Jordan, by signing a new contract with the Charlotte Bobcats. Michael Jordan is the majority owner of the ‘Cats and Kwame is now his employee. This right here is a shining beacon to formerly abusive relationships everywhere, if at first you don’t succeed, try try again.

You see, its tough to get past the whole “I abused you relentlessly” thing. Look at Chris Brown and Rhianna for example. They couldn’t get past their prior abusive relationship to give things another go in the present. Michael and Kwame though, see they know better, nay, they ARE better than mere mortals. Apparently they can get past those errors in judgment.

When Kwame first got into the league, he was a naive young boy. Jordan took him under his tutelage and made him a MAN. An emotionally crippled and useless seven footer on the court, but a man nonetheless. Jordan accomplished this by constantly tearing Kwame down to his emotional bare bones, at least that’s what Scoop Jackson said in this 2005 ESPN page 2 article.  Let us quote liberally:

Sticks and stones can paralyze the most immortal of men, but these words – they stripped Kwame Brown of ever having a chance to be or find himself as a basketball player and as a person.

***

“Flaming … ” That was the first word. One of life’s other “f” words followed. It came in succession. It came from Michael Jordan’s mouth. The words never reached Kwame Brown’s ears, they went straight to his heart.

In Jordan’s quest to build the next him while he was in charge and out of retirement in D.C., he broke Kwame Brown down to the very last compound. Emotionally and psychologically killed his spirit.

Want to know what that 2nd “F word” was that Jordan used against Kwame? Lets go back to an article by the Washington Post’s Michael Lehay from 2003 recounting Jordan’s last season with the Wizards (only accessible through the Post’s archives) and some more of the emotional abuse he laid upon Kwame.

As always, he reserved his harshest criticisms for 21-year-old Kwame Brown, at whom, a year earlier, he had screamed, “Flaming faggot,” when Brown complained as a rookie about being fouled in an intrasquad game.

***

But Jordan and other Wizards officials were swayed by Georgia high school senior Brown’s abilities after he dominated another highly touted prep player, Tyson Chandler, during a private one-on-one competition. But now Jordan was tired of waiting for Brown to get better.

For his part, Brown said the right things: “Anyone can learn from Michael” if that “player listens.” But, privately, Brown reeled under Jordan’s and Collins’s criticism off and on for two seasons now, desperate to receive a slice of the encouragement Jordan had lavished on him during Brown’s golden days. On many nights, he had gone from wunderkind to waste. Despairing, Brown began to seek counsel from other teammates, notably Stackhouse, who could provide solace but little else, suffering beneath the weight of his own disappointments and, like Brown, having nowhere to turn.

Wow. So now things are better between them? I mean, its cool that Kwame can turn the other cheek after Jordan helped  to ruin any chance he had at meeting his potential as a number one pick and turning him into an emotional basket-case. I wonder if Jordan is going to be any better this second go around?

Who knows, maybe Jordan has changed. Sure he’s not going to be near Kwame as much as when he was a player or general manager, but they are going to have to interact with each other at various points throughout the season. No way that goes wrong, right? When has getting back together with your abuser ever gone wrong? We all know that leopards can change their spots…oh wait they can’t? Well damn. In that case, maybe this ISN’T a good thing and I am horribly wrong about this.

This $1.3 million veterans minimum contract  Kwame got is really just Jordan saying “I’m sorry baby, have a million bucks on me, it’l never happen again baby, I just lost my cool back in 2002. It’l never happen again.”

Yeah right.

Athletes love to switch teams and talk about how much they’ve always wanted to play in [name the city] for [name the team] because they have the best fans, great history or something else. Bullshit. Most times it’s money, the only team that would take you or a trade you couldn’t prevent.

It’s refreshing to see athletes be honest about their reasons for moving or feelings on other teams or players. Kyle Korver recently signed with the Chicago Bulls as a free agent. He was introduced in a press conference and a reporter happened asked him about his feelings on the Bulls growing up.

Korver could have easily said he loved Michael Jordan and the Bulls as a way to ingratiate himself with the fan base but he decided to be straight up. Good on him. More times than not, fans accept that players will come and go unless they get Bron Bron’ed or their favorite player moves to a deadly rival. Professional athletes are paid to do a job like everyone else. They may love the game but they don’t have to love the city or team. Just care for those two to three hours on the field or court and don’t insult our intelligence on the way in and out the door.

Who are we kidding? That’s too much to ask. Take it where you can get it. Perspective, people.

Hey, did you hear?  Some guy named “Steve” pitches for the Washington club now and everyone loves him.  In a few weeks, the Wizards will draft a point guard who may be the next Chris Paul.  The District’s football team just got an All-Pro QB and the hockey team trots out the most exciting player in the NHL on a nightly basis.  The world’s most popular fan (and erstwhile 90’s music video star?) lives a few blocks away from the arena and the stadium.  It’s safe to say DC is no longer a sports-doomed city.  So who will take their place?
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It’s been a busy week – Tiger’s back, the competition for spring training jobs are tightening up, and Luke Wilson is sponsoring (or it could be AT&T, at this point, I can’t really tell) some college basketball tournament that must not be too popular because it’s on during the day and only on CBS.  Anyway, on to this week’s headlines… 

• Tiger Woods announced he is returning to golf at the Masters.

Shocker.  He picked a tournament at a private, all-male club that has a small field of competition and restricts “patrons” from sneezing without asking for permission first.  Wake me when he plays somewhere that allows “commoners.”  Meanwhile, we got a sneak preview of what the next “Tiger Woods Golf” video game will look like.

• The Big East got hammered on the first day of the NCAA tournament.

Thanks for nothing, Georgetown and Marquette.  JTIII will be getting a bill for my bracket.  What the hell,  Big East?  Just because you got 8 bids doesn’t mean you need to lose them all the first weekend.  Villanova, we still cool.  But remember, you’re playing for Barry.

• ESPN’s Buster Olney reported that the Philadelphia Phillies had internal discussions about trading Ryan Howard for Cardinal first baseman Albert Pujols. 

While St. Louis fans spent the week arguing over who was worse: Keith Law or Olney, Philly fans instead got drunk and burned down both of their houses.       

• After apologizing for using cocaine and subsequently failing a drug test, Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington also admitted smoking pot and using amphetamines back in his playing days. 

Ron Washington seems like a lot of fun.  With one ex-addict already on the roster, Wash is sure setting one hell of an example for the rest of the team.

• The NFL plans to vote on changes to the overtime rules for next season’s playoffs.

 And somewhere, Marty Mornhinweg smiles, as he will still “take the wind.”

• Lance Armstrong is mad because Tony Kornheiser made a joke about running bicyclists off the road on his local radio show.

Lance, it’s called “context.”   Get over yourself.  Have you ever driven in DC?  Tony is right; the bicyclists there are insufferable and apparently color-blind as they appear unable to see red lights.

• John Fox thinks Tim Tebow had a “very, very good workout” for pro scouts the other day.

 A) It’s a workout.  B) This is the same guy who let Jake Delhomme start football games last year.  Pardon me if I wait for someone else’s opinion.

• The NBA approved Michael Jordan’s bid to purchase the Charlotte Bobcats – thereby becoming the first ex-player to ever hold a majority interest in an NBA team. 

Congrats to MJ.  I can’t wait until he uses a first round pick to draft his son then summarily trades him for a pair of Mom jeans.