Dean Wormer told Mr. Dorfman that fat, drunk and stupid was no way to go through life. Losing soccer tournaments isn’t either at least if you play in Argentina.
Injury was added to insult after Huracan lost to Godoy Cruz in the Copa Argentina and their fans attacked the players as they showered following practice.
A group of furious fans disguised in masks bum rushed the locker room, beat up the players and stole their possessions. Several of their cars were also vandalized.
South American fans are known for their fanaticism but beating up players is usually handled by other players or drug cartels. Supporters threatening players is more of an Italian move. Hooligans punching horses is more of an English thing. Robbing players is the signature move of Liverpool and Naples.
I meant to get to this story a month ago but I was distracted by the Black Keys’ Patrick Carney trolling all the Bieberites or whatever they call themselves.
Gareth Paisley of Los Campesinos! decided to have some fun with people who rely on Twitter for Premier League transfer news. He assumed the persona of the Daily Mail’s Martin Samuel on January 31st and went to work dropping last minute transfer garbage on Twitter.
Pepe Reina to Arsenal? Anyone with sense would have picked up on the discrepancy between the name and Twitter handle. Relying on Martin Samuel and the Daily Mail for facts is the equivalent of doing the Harlem Shake in front of an industrial fan with your dick hanging out. Needless to say, people were not happy when they found out they had been tooken back like Ghostface.
STATS: over 2,500 RTs. Trending #1 (Reina to Arsenal) and #9 (Martin Samuel) in the UK, #4 Worldwide. Gained over 2,000 (temp) followers
Let’s think about this. Arsenal has the steadiest keeper they’ve had since David Seaman. Arsene Wenger may be many things but he surely wouldn’t be foolish enough to bench Wojciech “Kenny” Szczesny for Pepe Reina who seems to be evolving into the next coming of David “Calamity” James by the season.
We need more Twitter trolling by musicians. Wait until Babyface and Ralph Tresvant start trolling fools. It’s gonna be so sensitive.
We haven’t heard much of Egyptian soccer since Bob Bradley took over as manager of the national team. Guess there was also the matter of last year’s riot in Port Said that resulted in almost 80 deaths, over 1000 injuries and the shutdown of club soccer in the country.
Soccer in many countries is affected by more than what happens on the field or club boardroom. Politics, ethnicity, geography, religion and stupidity often affect players and fans when they collide with the game. Egypt is no exception to this as seen with the riot as well as the political fallout. Check this episode of Inside Story on the politicization and future of Egyptian club soccer if you have 25 minutes to kill. What? Oh stop.
The Jim Romes and Michael Wilbons of the world may love to insult soccer as soft but it’s a matter of life and death to millions around the world regardless of our opinions on matters they hold most dear. Let’s see them go to a derby in Glasgow (might have to wait on that), Belgrade or Cali and talk shit. Just ask Liverpool fans who are still waiting for answers and accountability for the Hillsborough disaster which happened over 20 years ago. Marouane Chamakh and Samir Nasri found out the hard way when they went to see Man City take on Arsenal at Emirates Stadium yesterday.
The former Arsenal players were accosted by fans who are still hurt as if player departures are the true source of their current plight. Video of them walking to the new Library was posted online and you can see it HERE (Language NSFW).
Those fans are just mad because Nasri and Chamakh want to get paid and win trophies. Well maybe definitely not Chamakh. Imagine if their beef was sectarian or political.
Incidents in Port Said, Glasgow, St. Petersburg and other places that use soccer as a proxy for fighting larger societal issues are what makes soccer so interesting and at the same time incredibly frustrating. Then again they sometimes just come down to sporting rivalries that get out of hand which make even less sense.
Imagine a throng of women scaling the walls of a residential compound and racing towards the main house. Security cameras set in the eyes of replica Manneken Pis statues, which upon further inspection are nothing more than statues of a grown man with an impressive afro taking a piss, catch shadows as they draw closer to their prey. Inside the house, a man wearing an Everton jersey and resembling a shiitake mushroom curls up in a fetal position and sobs to himself as he prepares for the inevitable. The noise gets louder as the hoard gets closer until the front door falls in with a loud crash and the ladies pour in. “‘Ello love! Which one uv us is you takin’ out tonight?!”
You haven’t made it as a soccer player in Liverpool until the scousers rob your house. It’s too bad Marouane Fellaini couldn’t make the grade. There’s no shame in hiding your tail between your legs and fleeing to Manchester. He won’t be the first or the last but he definitely has the best excuse.
‘I am living in Manchester now, because in Liverpool, the women were crawling for me,’ Fellaini said.
‘It was too much. In Manchester, people don’t recognise me that much and tend to treat me in a more respectful way.
‘I don’t want to be a star. I just want to play football.’
You can strip their house down to the copper wiring but scouse women on the prowl is what sends the boys running to the hills like Iron Maiden.
Last time we saw Newcastle owner Mike Ashley, he was tearing up Pink Elephant and buying 175 bottles of Cristal while Rome burned. Now fans are giving him a hard time for selling striker Andy Carroll to Liverpool. They need to back up off him like Ed Lover and Dr. Dre. The man has issues.
Newcastle managed to take Liverpool for £35M in exchange for Carroll. One would think the Scousers would have seen it coming considering how robbery is their forte. No way he’s worth that amount despite that being what the market will bear.
Carroll claimed he was forced out. Of course he could have refused to sign a new contract but everyone knows he’s full of shit like Harry Redknapp. He should be happy. He’s now in a city that embraces a criminal like him. Meanwhile Newcastle fans are left holding the team’s official calendar which features Liverpool’s newest striker as Mr. February.
That’s not the worst of it. Newcastle supporters should know better if they think Ashley is going to reinvest the proceeds from the Carroll sale. He would have bought another striker to replace him before the transfer window closed. He’s got more important things to do like lose nearly £1M playing craps.
The Newcastle United owner blew the cash on a night out with team manager Alan Pardew.
At first he hit a winning streak and was soon up £130,000.
Then his luck turned and after two hours’ further play at the craps table he was down an eye-watering £970,000.
Apparently Ashley didn’t care. He still has £889M to lose and he’ll get a decent payout from balloon payments when Newcastle gets relegated again. What’s the lesson here? Alan Pardew makes everything he touches a loser. Somewhere Chris Hughton is laughing.
Seriously, Ashley is going to ruin the club he claims to love through idiotic decisions. For all the talk about Liverpool’s ownership issues, Newcastle has the most to worry about over the rest of the season and into the next. He fired Hughton who brought the team back to the Premier League and had them playing well. He replaced him with a manager who is a perennial loser and was fired from a lower league job because he couldn’t get it done there. He can’t be trusted to buy players who would help the team long or short term. It’s a recipe for disaster.
