The chances of this happening are probably zero to -10 but the possibility opens up a world of ideas.

Damon Feldman, CEO of the Hollywood Boxing Federation, wants Mark Wahlberg to fight Will Smith for charity. He’s willing to offer them $1 million to do it in Vegas.

Feldman’s work is cut out for him considering who has fought in his Super Bowl of Hollywood Boxing in the past. The list of previous contestants reads like a list of Fox Reality Channel rejects. Jose Canseco, Michael Lohan and Danny Bonaduce are among the clowns who have shown no shame. Horshack and Screech have participated in celebrity boxing as well. They fought for a coffee can of hobo chili (coffee grounds and shoe laces) and a mayo sandwich that had been sitting in the summer sun for three weeks.

This idea is going nowhere but think if other celebrities could be convinced to fight each other. Why stop with boxing? How about a Thunderdome battle? Imagine Guy Fieri taking on Diddy or Paris Hilton against Kim Kardashian. Two men enter, one man leave. The whole world wins no matter what the result and best of all, it’s for charity. Won’t someone please think about the children?

Las Vegas awarded the keys of the city to Ron Artest for his charity work dealing with mental health issues. The LA Times’ Lakers Blog reports:

He’s earning recognition at the Mirage Hotel for … his work with Xcel University, which works with community centers and schools to identify high-risk students, and the Mental Health in Schools Act, which would provide $200 million in grant funding to support mental health issues should it pass Congress when it’s reintroduced in February 2011.

Oh good lord, Vegas. What have you done? There’s the issue of what Artest should do with the keys now that he has them. He’s undecided so far but he does have some ideas.

Giving them to Kobe Bryant or Derek Fisher is a nonstarter. Kobe would just break into hotels and sexually assault homely staff members while Tiger Woods watches. Think of Charlie Murphy in the Mad Real World. He might also consider starting a one man Vegas show to showcase his rapping skills. No one wants that.

Derek Fisher would probably do something for charity. That’s laudable but not epic enough for our purposes. If Artest wants to amuse us and continue to give back, he should give Oliver Miller the keys when he goes to sleep so he can after hours every buffett on the strip.

“I’ll probably just walk in everybody’s home,” Artest said after practice Tuesday at the Lakers’ facility in El Segundo. “I’ll go to Floyd Mayweather’s house first and put on some of his jewelry.”

If Artest wants to walk around with jewelry, he should stay the hell away from Javon Walker if he wants to keep it.

Pacman Jones seems to have rehabilitated himself. Maybe he should hold on to the keys to show that he’s a changed man. He can also let himself out of handcuffs or jail when he’s detained or arrested for something he didn’t do.

Forget a duet with Celine Dion. R Kelly already did that and she probably smells like piss and Kuma’s now. You know how The R rolls. What? He probably bats above the Mendoza age of consent once in a while. How about Cher? She/He could sing the hook on one of his tracks although her voice might be a little deeper than his. That won’t do much for the street cred.

We should convince him to take out Frank Caliendo. That would be worthy of the keys to Burning Man at the least.

H/T to the Lakers Blog.

You read that right, the world has an ever so small chance to not have Carrot Top in it come Monday morning because this weekend he will be working in the pits of Mike Wallace’s Monster Diesel car in the Nationwide Series race at Las Vegas Motor Speedway.  Mr. Top will be the honorary Crew Manager of the team and will be standing there holding the car’s #01 sign so Wallace knows where to pull into the pit.

So, a car that weighs over 3,000lbs, that can achieve top speeds of around 200 mph, will actually be aiming for Carrot Top every single time the driver, Mike Wallace, decides to pit…how ’bout that?  Let me be very clear here, I am not wishing death upon anyone. What I am saying is that there certainly is a minuscule chance Carrot Top could get hit by a car this weekend, possibly hit very hard…with severe injuries…maybe even death…and there are some people out there that might be ok with that.  I’m no statistician, but the odds are certainly there.

Here’s what Carrot Top had to say about this fantastic opportunity for him (and us):

“I can’t wait to get out to the speedway this weekend and help my good friend Mike Wallace and his team,” said Carrot Top. “Watching a race from the pits should be great fun.

Wait WHOA what??  Carrot Top has friends?  This story is full of surprises.

Anyway, I might actually tune into this race…I watch for the crashes of course.

From Vegas News.com

Only Vegas can give people the chance to enjoy hookers in every sense of the word. The USA Rugby Sevens were on ABC opposite the Olympics this past weekend. It’s an underrated tournament and a great chance to check some rugby in Vegas between visits to the Bunny Ranch and Spearmint Rhino.

We don’t pay enough attention to rugby on the Deuce. Maybe it’s because we don’t understand it that well. However you have to appreciate a sport where people try to kill each other without pads. Here are a couple rugby commercials that show different sides of the game.

1. The Scottish answer to the Haka. Rugby plus whiskey? Check and mate.

More videos after the jump.

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