Well, figure of speech really. This kid Andy Avgi from Putnam High School is a 6’6″, 220lbs terror and he took a fast break and stopped the game with one mighty dunk…because he broke the backboard. Sadly the team went on to lose the game and no one really cares about Putnam High School in Oregon but still watch the dunk if only because since the NBA discovered shatterproof glass, there haven’t been many backboard breaking dunks out there lately.
Las Vegas awarded the keys of the city to Ron Artest for his charity work dealing with mental health issues. The LA Times’ Lakers Blog reports:
He’s earning recognition at the Mirage Hotel for … his work with Xcel University, which works with community centers and schools to identify high-risk students, and the Mental Health in Schools Act, which would provide $200 million in grant funding to support mental health issues should it pass Congress when it’s reintroduced in February 2011.
Oh good lord, Vegas. What have you done? There’s the issue of what Artest should do with the keys now that he has them. He’s undecided so far but he does have some ideas.
Giving them to Kobe Bryant or Derek Fisher is a nonstarter. Kobe would just break into hotels and sexually assault homely staff members while Tiger Woods watches. Think of Charlie Murphy in the Mad Real World. He might also consider starting a one man Vegas show to showcase his rapping skills. No one wants that.
Derek Fisher would probably do something for charity. That’s laudable but not epic enough for our purposes. If Artest wants to amuse us and continue to give back, he should give Oliver Miller the keys when he goes to sleep so he can after hours every buffett on the strip.
“I’ll probably just walk in everybody’s home,” Artest said after practice Tuesday at the Lakers’ facility in El Segundo. “I’ll go to Floyd Mayweather’s house first and put on some of his jewelry.”
If Artest wants to walk around with jewelry, he should stay the hell away from Javon Walker if he wants to keep it.
Pacman Jones seems to have rehabilitated himself. Maybe he should hold on to the keys to show that he’s a changed man. He can also let himself out of handcuffs or jail when he’s detained or arrested for something he didn’t do.
Forget a duet with Celine Dion. R Kelly already did that and she probably smells like piss and Kuma’s now. You know how The R rolls. What? He probably bats above the Mendoza age of consent once in a while. How about Cher? She/He could sing the hook on one of his tracks although her voice might be a little deeper than his. That won’t do much for the street cred.
We should convince him to take out Frank Caliendo. That would be worthy of the keys to Burning Man at the least.
Athletes love to switch teams and talk about how much they’ve always wanted to play in [name the city] for [name the team] because they have the best fans, great history or something else. Bullshit. Most times it’s money, the only team that would take you or a trade you couldn’t prevent.
It’s refreshing to see athletes be honest about their reasons for moving or feelings on other teams or players. Kyle Korver recently signed with the Chicago Bulls as a free agent. He was introduced in a press conference and a reporter happened asked him about his feelings on the Bulls growing up.
Korver could have easily said he loved Michael Jordan and the Bulls as a way to ingratiate himself with the fan base but he decided to be straight up. Good on him. More times than not, fans accept that players will come and go unless they get Bron Bron’ed or their favorite player moves to a deadly rival. Professional athletes are paid to do a job like everyone else. They may love the game but they don’t have to love the city or team. Just care for those two to three hours on the field or court and don’t insult our intelligence on the way in and out the door.
Who are we kidding? That’s too much to ask. Take it where you can get it. Perspective, people.
Former New Jersey Net Drazen Petrovic must be rolling over in his grave after Croatian team Cibona Zagreb lost the NLB Championship game to KK Partizan from Serbia. Balkan wars have been started over less.
Cibona thought they won the championship after hitting a go-ahead basket with .6 seconds left on the clock. They began celebrating on the court and that’s when the hilarity ensued. Anyone who has watched the NCAA Tournament knows .6 is enough time to get the inbound pass and immediately release a shot. Guess what happened.
How on earth can you compete with this guy in horse? This guy would call the “7 backflips first, then on the 8th one, you pick up the ball with your feet and flip it into the hoop” shot and you would be done.
