NBA Styles Have Come A Long Way...

...and when i mean a long way, I mean that they've come a long way from being bad to being fucking horrible. NBA.com, in preparation for their Draft today, has posted a slideshow of "Draft Styles" over the years, and it is hilarious and gruesome at once, but there is definitely one shot that I think best captures the moment of awkwardness that comes with walking up to a napoleonic David Stern immediately after just being chosen to be a multi-millionaire:


Stern's mustache is EPIC while Olajuwon's tux with red (why red??) bow tie really sets off his vacant "Who the fuck is this midget?" and "Did I get drafted over Michael Jordan?" zombie-stare.

Link to NBA.com slideshow
Photos by Andy Hayt/NBAE/Getty Images & Noren Trotman/NBAE/Getty Images

This is How Nike Advertises in Asia

This video below shows how Nike loves to help spread the NBA empire around the world...selling millions of pairs of shoes in the meantime. Although if they are trying to sell shoes, i'm not sure why Nike didn't show the shoes in these ads. Maybe its because most the people who are watching this ad are doing so in the 2 hours of free time they have in between sleep and slaving away in some sweatshop. There is plenty of animated Garnett, Duncan, and J-Will to show why they are making the shoes and why they should buy them. I must say, that is some catchy hip hop they've created.

All in all, it kinda looks like a bad Saturday morning cartoon called like "Rappin' NBA Baller Superheroes!" or something. Maybe this isn't even an advertisement but a propaganda video shown inside their sweatshops motivating their employees to make shoes for these rapping superheroes.

From EBSnet forums

The Constitutional Vol. 4

No news is good news with Gary Gnu. Welcome to the Constitutional.

• Top 10 HS to NBA busts. Winning the Turnover Battle


• Part II of Japan Loves Cute, all about some Japanese Golfer...our fascination with Japanese culture continues. With Malice


• Tom Hicks is just a horrible decision maker. Rumors and Rants
  


• Yahoo is buying Rivals.com. GigaOm from Ballhype
  


• European soccer writers do not like US. Doberman on the Diamond


• Ohhh riiight, you said we CANT sell air...right. Ok then. Our Book Of Scrap
  


• ESPN doesn't do much right anymore, but it did Bob Barker right. Good luck Bob! Bourbon for Breakfast via With Leather
  


• Washington Capitals are kickin' it old skool with the new unis...and they suck. Mr. Irrelevant

Update: Cannot forget about the newest episode of the always great Bog TV - Jason Campbell is Country. Thanks to the Dude!

Reggie Theus to Coach Kings

Reggie Theus, former NBA "star" and most recently head coach of New Mexico State, has apparently agreed to become the newest head coach of the Sacramento Kings. The Deuce knew that Reggie had it in him to be a coach of a big time professional basketball team since we first saw him on the coaching circuits. Watch and be prepared to be amazed by his motivational ability to coach up some 5'5 white guys into doing spectacular layups and jump shots.

After watching that, Joe Maloof's words ring true:

“Reggie is a coach who has a tremendous passion and love for the game of basketball," said Kings' co-owner Joe Maloof. "He’s got a terrific work ethic, and I think that, combined with his passion for the game, will help lead us into the future.”

Reggie Theus, new head coach of the mighty Sacramento Kings...how can he fail?

From NBA.com

Rosie Grier has advice for Billy Donovan

Its been a trying week for Billy Donovan, first he felt with all his heart that it was the right thing to sign a multi year, multi million dollar contract with the Orlando Magic. Days later, he had a change of heart and wanted to return back to where he did his best work, the University of Florida. So many emotions must be flowing around Billy's head, and Rosie Grier says it best...Billy, "Its alright to cry"

Side note, i still sing this song everytime some dude cries, whether I am taunting him or not, and I haven't seen this video since I was 4. Rosie and "Free to be you and me" is permanently ingrained in my memory...and I love it.

Come on Cavs!!

In case you haven't ever heard the Cleveland Cavaliers "fight" song, NBA.com has graciously put it up on the Cavaliers' page for all to listen, as well as the history of this magnificent piece of musicianship...and we say that with the straightest of faces. Ok, not really. Here's a bit of the inspirational origin of such a classic piece of American musical achievement:

So Morrow sat down at his piano and pounded out an opening refrain. ‘Come on, Cavs,’ the song began. He added a little ‘fast-break-action’ here and a ‘rally-two-by-two’ there. And a few hours later, what Cavaliers immortal, Austin Carr, calls “the best professional team fight song ever” was born.

This song is sure to take Cleveland to the top this year...even though its failed to do so every year since its inception in 1974. And so, without further ado...take a listen below.

Download or Listen to "Come On Cavs"
History of "Come on Cavs" here on NBA.com
Photo of Cavaliers Great, Bingo Smith

It is Done: Cavs & Spurs Meet In Finals

And the whole world collectively yawns. Seriously, while Lebron James has been annointed everything from King to the dreaded "Next MJ" tag he really isn't all that an engaging person or player for me to watch. Granted, being a Wizards fan enables me to watch Gilbert Arenas circus sideshow act 82 games a year, but Lebron seems to me kinda like watching a slightly less annoying A-rod.

Both were teenager phenoms in their sports, both spout out more cliches per minute than a WWE wrestler, both have been touted and talented for so long the smugness that emanates from them is rivaled only by George Clooney, and both attempt market themselves as all-round nice guys even though when you hear them talk all you can think is "Geez, this guy sounds like a dick". Thats not even mentioning the fact that Lebron is only using this basketball game to make money to fuel a multi-million dollar multi-media corporate empire. I just cannot get behind a guy who wants to be the Master P of basketball.

He can play basketball for sure, but he is by no means as exciting to watch as Kobe or Dwayne Wade or Gilbert currently, or someone like Shaq or KG or Magic or MJ were in their primes. He is a boring lone "superstar" on a team of spare parts and he is going up against the most complete team in the NBA, the Spurs.

They have Duncan, who while amazing, is boring as sin and cant make a highlight worthy play to save his life. Then again, he doesnt like to or have to show off because his team is so great. As a player and a person, he's the antithesis of Lebron in that he wants no spotlight, no clothing line, no record label, he just wants to play basketball and fit in on a winning team. He is the anti-Lebron...and yet i'm bored by him as well because he has zero emotion whatsoever. I like to look at athletes and see that they care about what is going on out there, not the vacant stare that Timmy develops over the course of a game.

So the Spurs & Cavs kick off on Thursday and I dont care...a lot of people dont care. You have San Antonio vs. Cleveland...two cities that couldn't be more different and yet both couldnt suck more. Lebron vs Tim Duncan...two superstars that couldn't be more different and yet both couldn't bore me more.

I think the only thing that will keep me interested is watching for Bowen and Ginobili's dirty plays throughout the game. There is no way Larry Hughes is finishing this series on the court with those two assholes around.

Let The Muthaf**ka Burn

Fuck your couch, convict.

Luc Longley must have thought Bill Wennington was going to accept an Aussie cutting into his playing time. Nah playboy, Americans don't roll like that. Bill waited years to get his revenge like Mason Storm and it looks like he finally got it.

Luc Longley's house in Perth, Australia was destroyed in a fire last night. His family was in the house but Luc managed to get everyone out. No babies were eaten by dingos.

Other suspects include Paul Hogan, Yahoo Serious, the Energizer guy and the lead singer from Midnight Oil. Our money's on Bill.

Starbury: The Aldi of Shoes

Lebron James doesn't think much of Starbury's cheap-ass shoes.

Nike pitchman LeBron James credited Stephon Marbury for coming up with his discount Starbury line of shoes, but said he didn't think Nike would follow suit.

"I think me being with Nike, we hold our standards high, we do a great job putting out great merchandise," he said before the game. "Great shoes, that's part of a price that's pretty high, but at the same time you're getting great quality for it."

We make our Malaysian kids pump out 12 pairs an hour. Find a higher standard in the shoe industry. We dare you.

Tony Parker Est Le Merde

Tony Parker's hit #2 on the French pop charts with his new hotness, Balance Toi. Sports by Brooks has a link to the full video so no need for you to rely on snippets. Don't rush to thank us.



This got us thinking of other ballers who put out fresh tracks. Let's take a stroll through the wackness that is the NBA rapper.

If mumbling equals skills, I'm signing as many whinos and homeless people as I can to recording contracts. I'll be bigger than Simon Cowell and Bruce Springsteen combined.



Ah what can you say about a baller who goes by the name of Eight-Man Kobe-One-Kenobie? If you're thinking "stay away from my sister's ass", we're on the same page. Nothing says thug poet like crying on tv after getting nailed for rape and selling out Shaq for no reason.



What it do, playboy! Make it rain, Ron Ron. He's got beats like on his wife. You are indeed a Tru Warier. I hear you, balla. Fuck spelling.



If this isn't a flagrant, I don't know what is. This is a bigger disaster for New Orleans than Heath Schuler or Katrina...what? Too soon?

Your Inflight Movie: My Giant in 3-D

That Shit Just Be Callin' Me, Man

Scottie must be on the rock 'cause he's talking crazy and not making any sense. It's not going to be long before someone sees him running down a west Chicago street trying to steal a Christmas turkey.

Scottie turned up in Vegas this past weekend to declare his intent to return to the NBA as well as help stink up the joint during the non-sensical old timers, current timers, WNBA skills competition.

I see you, David Stern. You keep trying to sneak the WNBA in there like we're not going to notice. Fuck you for that.

Harvey Araton of the New York Times asked Scottie whether he felt that he received proper credit for the six championships won by the Bulls.

“I think people love me as much as they love Michael, the fans who understand the game,” Pippen said. “The G.M.’s, the coaches — I think they’d rather have a Scottie than a Michael.”

Sympathetic as I’ve always been to Pippen, it was all I could do not to gag on the why.

“Because I’m an all-around player,” he said. “I make people around me better.”

There was no word whether Stern would banish Pippen, as he did Hardaway, if only on grounds of basketball heresy.

Rather have a Scottie than a Michael? Scottie's as high as Pookie in the Enterprise Room. If he keeps this up, Michael might have to make him sit his five-dollar ass down so he can make change.



Sir Charles has always thought well of No Tippin' Pippen.

"Last year he came to Houston and had career lows in just about every statistical category and everybody said he (was horrible). Now all of his numbers are even lower and people are saying how great he is. He is the same player."

We can't wait until Phil calls a play for Kwame Brown in the playoffs and Scottie takes himself out of the game.

Pac-Man Jones: All Eyez On Him

Pacman Jones is being looked into for his possible involvement with a shooting in Las Vegas over the NBA All-Star weekend. Apparently, Sports by Brooks says, Pac rolled up to a strip club called Minxx with a GLAD BAG full of $1 bills, which the Deuce is apt to do anytime we roll up to Camelot or Scores. He then apparently was throwing dollar bills into the air and at strippers and "making it rain" around them. Hey, we can understand this course of action, gotta make 'dem ho's work for that green! Strippers then started fighting for the money, as strippers are apt to do we hear, and the owner shut the lights off to stop the fighting...which then lead to anarchy.

As we all know, when the lights go off in a strip club, its time to shoot some fucking guns off. Its a time honored tradition in fact. Unfortunately, this time, 3 people got injured in the rukus...critically. Whoops, not good.

Pacman is no stranger to brushes with the law, and there is no real evidence at this point showing that he did anything more than attempt to put a few "lovely" ladies through college one dollar bill at a time, but his association with those who may be the actual shooters has labeled Pac as "a person of interest" with made the Las Vegas Police want to question him. The Titans are hoping and praying he is more Ray Lewis than Rae Carruth in this matter, for his sake and theirs.

In light of these new events, the Deuce thinks its high time for Adam Jones to rethink his nickname. No longer should he be named Pacman. He should be Adam "2pacman" Jones. Yeahee-YEAHEE!

No man with this many brushes with the law involving massive amounts of drugs and ammunition should be stuck with the weak-ass name of some yellow mouth running from ghosts. 2Pacman don't fuckin' play no games! 2Pacman eats bullets not dots! 2pacman runs from cops and ho's not fuckin' fake-ass ghosts! Believe that!