The Suckiest Sucks That Ever Sucked Archives

Michigan Is Michigan Tech. Michigan Tech Is Michigan


It just keeps getting better for Michigan and Rich Rodriguez haters. Michigan keeps losing, RichRod is losing his cool, players are making noise about leaving and former players are dissing their alma mater on the record.

Former Michigan star and Heisman Trophy winner Desmond Howard laid the wood to Rodriguez and the Michigan program on a Columbus radio show this past Monday.

Question: In your post-Michigan career, have you ever dreaded a Michigan-Ohio State game more than this one?

Howard: “That would be the popular thinking after watching them lose eight games this season, and the way they’ve lost some of those games. I made a comment (Sunday) on our show that it’s not like they were trying to learn a spread offense (as much as) like they were trying to learn how to play football in some of those games, they looked so bad. This isn’t Michigan, this is like Michigan Tech.

Howard went on to say that he saw their potential for mediocrity before the season started. He also thought their bowl streak would be in jeopardy.

RichRod (or DickRod to West Virginia fans) could lose the fans and his job if things don’t get better next year. However he says Desmond and the rest of the Michigan faithful need to get a life. There are things that are more important in life. He should know since he’s obviously not focused on football. Alabama head coach Nick Saban suggests looking for a new employer and making them buy you out.

The Lions Are The Suckiest Sucks That Ever Sucked

It must suck to go home and talk to your damn weiner kids after work if you play for the Detroit Lions. Even the 1-15 Dolphins weren’t this much fun to watch last season. It’s not just the fact that the Lions are losing. Anyone can do that. They’re keeping it interesting. They’re giving teams points by running out of their end zone. Players are stealing other players’ luggage. The team is grabbing QBs as they walk by Ford Field. The Matt Millen effect is still at work.

Opposing teams are doing their part to remind the Lions how much they suck. They’re beating the shit out of them and they’re reinforcing the beatdowns with verbal reminders. It’s gotten so bad that Lions players have stopped fighting back.

“[The Jacksonville Jaguars] were cracking jokes,” Lions running back Kevin Smith said. “They thought we were a joke. They said we (weren’t good). They were saying that to me, that I (wasn’t good). And I told them they (weren’t good), too. And they said, ‘Well, not as bad as (you).’ And I said, ‘You’re right.’ (Because) we haven’t won one game.”

Someone hasn’t been pwned like that since Billy Madison pwned that kid for hating on Donkey Kong. “You know something? You suck!” Rod Marinelli might want to consider letting Daunte Culpepper play in the chinchilla coat. There’s something to be said for losing in style.

Mike And Mike Need To Keep It Together


Mike Singletary’s dropping his pants in frustration during his first game and now Mike D’Antoni’s feuding with Knicks fans in the first week of the season. This should go well.

D’Antoni was caught cursing Knicks fans after they started chanting for him to put Starbury in the game.

With some in the Garden crowd surprisingly chanting “We Want Steph” with 11:10 remaining in the fourth (others booed the chant), a stewing D’Antoni was caught on MSG Network cameras Wednesday in a tirade, mouthing:

“You’ve got to be (bleeping) kidding me. You’ve got to be (bleeping) kidding me. What a bunch of (bleep) holes.”

It’s unbelievable to think that he didn’t know what he was walking into when he accepted the Knicks job. This is nothing. Wait until the team hits its first losing streak. If he’s cursing fans during the first game, he’ll be rushing the stands like Ron Artest by December. What did he expect from a team with Starbury and an overweight donkey with a heart ailment?

It’s nice to see Knicks PR is in mid-season form. 10 mintues after telling reporters he was pissed at the fans, D’Antoni came back with a Knicks PR official and claimed he wasn’t cursing the fans.

“There’s no way I’d do that to the fans,” he said. “It was a great opening night. That’s what should be the story.”

Thursday, D’Antoni said of the incident “No, I would never do that. Hey, it’s done … I should do better, I’ll do better.”

Finally a coach with some sense comes to town, starts trying to fix the disaster Isiah left and the fans demand mediocrity. Hopefully the team will get back to losing. It’s what the fans deserve if they’re calling for Starbury to play.

One of the great things international soccer has over American sports is the soccer chant or song. All teams have them and they range from the basic (“Chelsea!”) to the personal (“With a packet of sweets and a cheeky smile, Wenger is a fucking pedophile!”). There are songs that reference holidays. “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, one Cantona and an Eric Cantona!” You then have the statements of fact such as “You’re shit and you know you are!” or “You’re not very, you’re not very, you’re not very good at all!”. Lions fans would do well to learn the statement of fact chants. The players have them down.

“I’m tired of saying we are making progress, I’m tired of saying we were close, and I’m tired of saying we just need to execute,” center Dominic Raiola said Monday. “It is the same thing week after week.”

“I’m out of things to say,” he said, one day after the Lions dropped to 0-7 with a 25-17 loss to Washington. “It’s hard to even go anywhere without feeling embarrassed.”

You almost feel sorry for players like Raiola but then you think of clowns like Matt Millen and Tatum Bell and laugh. Millen may be gone but his ghost remains. The Lions started 0-12 in 2001 so 0-7 is old hat to players like Raiola. He really needs to look at the bright side. 0-7 is better than 0-12. Never mind the winning percentage. Of course, there’s a good chance they’ll be worse than last year’s 1-15 Dolphins.

Raiola might want to consider one of the stylish bags as modeled by a Lions fan above. It’s biodegradable and 2-ply so it’s strong enough to contain any and all embarrassment or shame felt by the wearer. It’s also better than plastic. We all know what happens to people especially small children that play with plastic bags on their heads. They have an super awesome time, boss man!!

Apparently Jay Feely doesn’t see the absolute lack of talent that exists in Kansas City. Vonnie Holliday and Channing Crowder are offended.

The Detroit Pistons have no interest in winning the next two seasons. Hopefully they have cases of French dressing on hand.

Joey Touchdown Finally Gets His Due

After years of sweat and perseverance, Joey Harrington has finally reached the top. Pro-Football-Reference.com has named him the worst quarterback in NFL history.

Chase Stuart twists the knife:

…No QB has performed so far below the league average for so long as Joey Harrington. To be clear, Joey Harrington probably isn’t the worst quarterback of all time in an absolute sense. But in terms of being so far below average, but far enough above miserable to earn more playing time, Joey Harrington hurt his team more than any other QB in NFL history. If Harrington had been worse, he would have played less, and he wouldn’t have set back the teams he played on. To put it another way, if you had the choice of getting Joey Harrington for 2,538 attempts, or Roger Goodell for 9 attempts you would certainly choose Goodell. At least after he’s gone, your team has a chance.

The Chick-fil-A tomahawk chopping cow should give Joey a 21-chop salute at the Braves’ next home game.

I’m In Control Here


“He’s kind of in the same position Bush is in. No matter what he does, if it’s good, no one’s going to give him a break. Everything he does or the team does that doesn’t look good, he’s going to get blamed for. Isiah’s heart is in the right spot. He’s trying to do the things to manufacture a good team. Things aren’t clicking. It’s easier to fire a coach than 15 players.”

- Phil Jackson on Isiah Thomas

Four words. Stephon Marbury Eddy Curry.

Your Mama’s So Fat, She Beeps When She Backs Up


You know what else beeps when it backs up? The wahmbulance.

We might have to call in another one at the rate English government ministers and players keep crying over the influx of foreign players into the Premiership. Sports minister Gerry Sutcliffe and Liverpool’s Steven Gerrard are calling for a quota on the amount of foreign players allowed for a club.

“We may need to have some sort of independent look at what needs to happen. We have got the best league in the world and it’s great that we have got the talent that is there in terms of the Premier League.

“But obviously we need to see how that impacts on and affects the national team.”

“I believe,” he said, “that if foreigners do take over completely it will make things even worse for the national team.” Gerrard backs a quota scheme, despite the difficulties of developing a system that complies with European and national laws.

Interesting. Blame foreign players for England’s lack of success and shit management. Are there a lack of good English players? Yes. There’s no question about that. However it’s a bit specious to blame England’s mediocrity on the amount of foreign players playing in England.

Blame must start at the top with the FA which is a symbol of all that is wrong in English football. A misplaced sense of superiority combined with blinding incompetence. One only need look at the process used to choose the England manager along with the eventual choices. It’s always a disaster from the start and they always rule out anyone who might have a chance of success for idiotic reasons. It seems similar to the NBA coaching merry-go-round where the same below-.500 donkeys always seem to get jobs.

Mediocrity is Job #1 in English soccer. If the manager is mediocre, there’s little hope for success on the pitch. Time and time again, the FA picks managers who have limited success at the club level and I emphasize limited. Current manager Steve McClaren (affectionately known as McClown or McDonkey) was abysmal at Middlesbrough. He was so bad that a fan ran on the pitch, ripped up his season ticket and threw it at him. Clearly he was a man in need of a promotion and more responsibility.

Managers continue to pick players who don’t perform simply because of their names. They’re unwilling to drop under performing big name players who have no business on the field due to pressure from the FA and fans. Younger players with potential rarely get a chance. Sven Goran Eriksson was accused of using this selection policy as well however his current run with Manchester City shows that maybe it wasn’t him that was the problem. It has become clear that he was forced to work with what he had and it wasn’t much.

The influx on money from foreign ownership and television contracts has also increased the stakes and need for immediate success which limits the time young players have to develop whether English or foreign.

Perhaps players and management should look within themselves first before being so quick to cast the blame at others. Funny how the excuses are starting to flow even before England’s crucial match with Croatia. Guess they want to have an excuse ready when they flame out and miss Euro 2008. They have no one to blame but themselves if they miss out.

Miami Said Knock You Out

Little did the Rappin’ Phins know they were talking about Trent “Scrambled Eggs” Green.

They also didn’t realize that the 2007 Dolphins would have something in common with Hammer when he went bankrupt.

Somewhere Too Big MC and Angie B are rolling over in their graves.