When I was like 4 or 5 I wanted the Ecto-cooler Hi-C juice box pack more then anything in the world. Slimer is awesome! So, when my mother declined to buy them one time at Heinen’s I started to throw a tantrum. She smacked me across the face. In the grocery line. While I was crying. She later told me I stopped crying immediately and I don’t remember ever throwing another tantrum again.

On a completely unrelated note Jorge Posada got mad because Joe Girardi decided that aging, shitty players should not be batting in the front of the order.

Buy me some Cocoa puffs with the Ecto-cooler, ESPN:

Jorge Posada was so angry at being dropped to ninth in the order Saturday that he not only said he wanted out of the lineup, he also said he wanted off the Yankees.

Sources told ESPN The Magazine’s Buster Olney on Monday that the 39-year-old lashed out about the lineup move and being relegated to full-time designated hitter. The New York Daily News first reported the story.

What!? How dare you hold me accountable for my declining production!?

Jorge Posada ran home, tore up every picture of him and Joe Girardi, made a mixtape of their favorite songs, did drive bys to his house in West Chester, and calling his home phone and breathing heavy.

But Posada, who is batting .165 and has yet to get a hit against a left-hander this season, later apologized for pulling himself from the lineup.

“It’s just one of those days that you wish you could have back,” Posada said Sunday.

God, what is it with these Yankees? Jeter needs $51 million to feel good about himself, Rodriguez needs to be portrayed as a centaur? This team has so much self-entitlement it’s as if the chicks from Mean Girls picked up a bat and gloves and started playing soft toss.

George Steinbrenner must be thanking Satan that he’s dead and gone from New York. Imagine what Carmelo Anthony would do to him upon learning that the former Yankees owner was a snitch.

The New York Times’ Richard Sandomir reports that Steinbrenner worked with the FBI on several cases in the 1970s and 80s. He “cooperated with the Federal Bureau of Investigation on national security cases and was willing to let it stage an organized-crime raid at Yankee Stadium”. President Reagan granted him a pardon in 1989 for his convictions for illegal contributions to Richard Nixon’s 1972 presidential campaign as well as obstruction of justice.

Find the FBI documents here.

Steinbrenner began helping with “a matter of vital interest” in the late 1970s. He quickly moved up to involving himself in thwarting terrorist plots that put him and his family in danger. I assume, without further details, that the situation was similar to Munich where he played the Ehud Barak role.

It gets better. World collide. Sandomir also notes that Steinbrenner attempted to get a pardon using the vaunted “Was That Wrong” excuse.

“Applicant stated that he would not have allowed the $25,000 corporate contribution if he had known it was illegal,” the memo said. It said that he had contributed $75,000 personally to Nixon’s campaign and would have made it $100,000 if he knew he could not make the corporate contribution.

Eat that, Costanza. Steinbrenner finally got his pardon but at what cost? American hero or rat-faced snitch? What would Billy Martin have said? Wait a minute. What do we really know about the night he died? He kept coming around. Maybe he heard too much. Watergate, terrorists, Billy Martin arresting people who try to piss during the 7th inning stretch. The next time you talk about conspiracies involving the Yankees, you can tell everyone it’s not jealousy. It’s the truth.

This isn’t much of a story however it’s the kind of thing you expect to happen in a soup kitchen and not the Yankees clubhouse. It’s also an excuse to use a picture of Pedro throwing Don Zimmer.

New York Yankees Hall of Famer Yogi Berra was taken to a Clearwater, Fla., hospital today after falling in the team’s clubhouse at Bright House Field.

Berra, 85, stumbled and fell backward after catching his shoe in the carpet as he went for a cup of soup. As a precaution, he was taken to Morton Plant Hospital in Clearwater, the Yankees said. He reportedly was alert and had spoke to his wife.

The cup of soup was probably the last thing left on the table. The Yankees starting rotation must have gotten there first. Berra wasn’t the only Yankee affected by the incident. A-Rod reportedly threw a temper tantrum because Cameron Diaz wasn’t there to feed him and he missed out on the buffet as well.

Last night Cliff Lee won the game for the Texas Rangers, silencing the Yankee’s bats to the tune of a 13 K shutout for the Rangers’ 8-0 victory.  I don’t feel too bad for the Yankees organization though, while the team isn’t currently winning on the field, they are winning at the cash register. The Yankees have come across one of the greatest merchandising schemes ever…selling dirt from the old Yankee Stadium.

No, we’re not just talking about the dirt around the base paths, I’m talking dirt dug up from the outfield, infield, batting box and up to two feet down before the stadium was demolished. We all know no Yankee ever set foot on that dirt if it was two feet down, but apparently dirt collectors don’t give a damn. In total, they dug up three tons of dirt. Egad.

What have they done with the dirt do you ask?  Well half of it has been used for over $10 million in collectible items such as:

* Key chains that go for $20 each.

* Posters commemorating the nine championships the team won in their former home. They sell for $150 each.

* Special player posters whose price depends on the player. Derek Jeter is the most expensive at $80

* Player plaques showing Yankee stars’ stats and biggest moments. They sell for $50 to $60

* Crystal paperweights engraved with milestone dates.

* Team-signed balls with an order of dirt on the side, selling for $60.

I mean its cool that they will sell it along with signed balls but a $20 key chain??  Look at that poster, would you pay $30 for that?  The Yankees have actually made dirt a valuable commodity…and they have THREE TONS OF IT.  Well, actually they sold off 1 1/2 tons, but they have actually saved up the other half of it in barrels for future use (sales).

I’d love to know exactly how much dirt is in these items to figure out the exact value of the dirt. Silver is a little over $24 an ounce, I’d bet this dirt is near that in value. Just think about that. Dirt that is as valuable as silver. Hold on, I just threw up in my mouth a little. Ok, I’m good.

Like fine wine, this dirt will only get better and more valuable with age.  Get your dirt while you can. In the meantime, it looks as if the Yankees will have a little bit more money to throw around free agency than they would’ve normally had.

So don’t feel too bad for their loss last night, they can afford to go out and buy Lee next year and have him do to someone else what he did to them…partially thanks to Yankee dirt.

There’s probably somewhere in the neighborhood of one million different jokes that I can make here about A-Rod’s balls, but no, I am going above the low brow humor that I normally use and just giving it to you straight. You can soon purchase Alex Rodriguez’s 500th home run ball which he hit in old Yankee Stadium on Aug. 4, 2007.

So, you too can be a part of history and pay a ton of money for a ball, hit by a guy, who admitted he once used performance enhancing drugs to help hit balls.  Awesome.  Ask Todd McFarlane how buying home run balls has worked for him lately?  Yea, he’s the wisenheimer who bought Mark McGwire’s 70th home run ball for 3 million dollars. BRILLIANT!

 From The Globe and Mail