Them bulletproof coach pants can go up to his lip.

Former Wisconsin DB Leonard Taylor has strange ideas when it comes to threesomes. Involving Maria Sharapova is never a bad move but Barry Alvarez? I don’t know about you but the last thing I want near me is the man pictured above wearing headphones and screaming out plays and formations while I get it on with Maria. Well it would probably suck more if the headphone cord was used to choke everyone out Michael Hutchence style.

Taylor was arrested after making numerous death threats to Alvarez. He left “numerous” voicemails at the UW athletic department threatening to kill Alvarez and his family. He also said that he would kill Sharapova and her family after marrying her. Ah the praying mantis.

“I’ll kill you first, mother (expletive),” Taylor said, according to the complaint. “I’ve got 24 (expletive) hours mother (expletive). I’m coming for your (expletive) ass. You might have a (expletive) war.”

Later in the message he told Alvarez that he wanted to look at him one last time “before I pull the (expletive) trigger, Barry.”

This isn’t the first time Taylor made calls to Alvarez. In September, he made “strange but not threatening” calls before calling back last week and stepping his game up Single White Female style.

Taylor’s father says that his son is paranoid schizophrenic and has been off his meds for three months. H’s lucky he didn’t act out on his threats. Alvarez’s son, Chad never flinches. Taylor would have ended up getting toasted like a parrot. Barry ain’t skurred.

You might fool the fucks on the ATP, but you don’t fool Ally. This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man! Hah hah! I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Thursday instead. Wooo! You got a date Thursday, baby!

You have to give it up for Ally Kudryavtseva. She does not mess around when it comes to people she doesn’t like. She worked Maria Sharapova like a rented mule yesterday beating her 6-2 6-4 and knocking her out of Wimbledon. After she beat Sharapova on the court, she finished her off by calling her out.

“It’s very pleasant to beat Maria. Why? Well, I don’t like her outfit. Can I put it this way? It’s a little too much of everything. It was one of the motivations to beat her.”

“If I’m not afraid to go play her and she’s world No.3, I’m not afraid she’s going to catch me in the dressing room and say, ‘You know what, you said you don’t like my outfit. You were wrong’. I will say, ‘Sorry. That’s just my opinion’.”

It’s a well known fact that Sharapova is not well liked (meaning not at all) by her Russian teammates. The girls are going to have a great time rooming together in Beijing. There’s a chance she could become shell-shocked like David Carr if she keeps getting beat down Brand Nubian style. She’s probably better off hiding out in Bradenton until everyone’s gone.

Apparently, she’s not that good between the sheets. See, she and Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine were an item a little while ago, the relationship ended and he had this to say about Maria’s lack of skills in bed:

“She wouldn’t make any noise during sex,” Levine said. “I can’t tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she’d be the loud screaming type. But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, said it ‘ruined her concentration.’ It was so disillusioning that I went on Paxil for a month afterwards. Really, it was much more of a shock than when I found out there’s no such thing as the Easter Bunny.”

Like a dead frog? Good God…say it ain’t so Adam? With all the noise that comes out of her when she smacks the balls on the tennis court, it is really quite a surprise she couldn’t muster the energy to do the same when the balls are smacking against her! Then again, one must consider the source. I’d like to think that Adam Levine’s shrill of a voice is so damned annoying that she didn’t want that ass to open his mouth at all, just do the deed and get it over with. I might actually have more respect for Maria just saying “Shut up and get it done, pretty boy”. I still think the dream lives on.

From The eXile.com