As McCormick’s says, “When it rains, it pours”. It’s been a Category 5 when it comes to the Baltimore Ravens and quarterbacks. (Too soon?) If there’s one thing that can be said about the Ravens organization, it’s that consistent mediocre quarterbacking is Job #1.

The Ravens treated the naming of Joe Flacco as the starter against the Bengals like bad political news. They were left with no choice after Troy Smith was taken down by a tonsil infection and Kyle Boller injured his shoulder presumably while fumbling. Instead of naming him on Friday afternoon, they waited until Labor Day when everyone is in a food coma or too drunk to notice.

“If anyone wrote this in a movie script, no one would believe it,” [head coach] John Harbaugh said. “The thing that is kind of exciting is that you couldn’t envision this scenario. It wasn’t one that we planned.”

This move should work out well especially with a patchwork offensive line that couldn’t stop Trevor Reznik. If Flacco wants to know what his early season will be like, he should ask David Carr. That is, if Carr could stop flinching and screaming every time someone moves near him.

If Flacco can withstand the assault, he might be able to make something of himself. He definitely won’t have to look over his shoulder. Boller might not be able to play this season and even if he can, he won’t be an issue. Troy Smith keeps having mysterious medical ailments and who knows when he’ll be back to 100%.

The Ravens attempted to address the back up situation by trying to sign the worst QB in NFL history. Joey Touchdown could be the next Ravens QB to fail miserably. He beat out Chris Simms and Todd Bouman but is still exploring his options. Of course Daunte Culpepper is nowhere to be found. Why try someone who might work? It’s a great time to be a Ravens fan. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find those new live Ravens mascots and have them poke my eyes out so I don’t have to watch this season.

“White power, white power!”

Somehow I don’t think Billy Ocean meant for people to take him literally when he said, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” If that were the case with “Get Out of My Dreams, Get Into My Car”**, Chester the Child Molester would be using that song as his script when cruising in his cargo van at 2:30 PM Monday through Friday.

Petrino took to the podium during SEC media days and gave excuses so good that Nick Saban might have shed a tear if he had anything but coal and greed in his heart. When asked about his new job as Razorback head coach and his departure from the Falcons, the b.s. started to flow like the runs.

“Yeah [the Falcons situation] was [the most difficult time he endured as a coach],” he said. “It was a trying situation. But everybody there worked as hard as they could to do the best job they could. … The whole situation, the timing was bad, no question. With the Falcons, and with Arkansas, it was really the only way it could play out.”

Three games left in the season. Oh I don’t know. Maybe he could have finished the season then resigned to pull a Rodney Dangerfield. Maybe he could have addressed his team and the organization face to face instead of sneaking out like a Mayflower truck (not that I’m still bitter about the Colts or anything). Maybe he could have been straight up with owner Arthur Blank instead of lying to his face.

In Atlanta, Petrino found himself handcuffed by the dog-fighting controversy that surrounded quarterback Michael Vick. He said one the primary attractions of joining the Falcons was the opportunity [to] coach Vick.

After Vick was suspended by the league and eventually sentenced to federal prison, Petrino said much of the attraction was gone.

“They had a quarterback at that time that I thought could be real special, so that played a lot into it,” he said. “But, you know, it was a difficult season. You always try to look back and really try to reflect on what I could have done better here and what we could have done better.”

Billy Ocean says Petrino is very bad man. At least that’s what I think he would say. I imagine he sounds like Jar Jar Binks or Screwface when he talks unless he fakes it like Lennox Lewis.

Arkansas must be pleased to know that when things get hard, Coach Bobby will have one foot out the door. I can understand wanting to run away from the worst QB in NFL history but the city and rest of the team had no choice. Do players and fans need to worry about his commitment if they hit a rough patch or lose some of their top players to injury, arrest or ineligibility?

I can’t wait until his press conference in the fall of 2009 when he takes the Valley High job. “I love high school football. I was asked earlier what it is I like about high school football. And really the answer is everything.”

** You can’t tell me that “Get Out of My Dreams, Get Into My Car” isn’t a stalker anthem. Listen to the lyrics and don’t be distracted by the awesome animation and choreography. Every Breath You Take and Invisible could also be included on a compilation album. “Is that Stalker Rock? Well turn it up!”

Did I just admit I know a Clay Aiken song? Shit, it must be the Malibu talking. Wait, I swear someone just told me as I was writing this. I thought it was Nick Lachey. That’s better? Right? Please tell me I’m not a douchebag … Hello?

After years of sweat and perseverance, Joey Harrington has finally reached the top. Pro-Football-Reference.com has named him the worst quarterback in NFL history.

Chase Stuart twists the knife:

…No QB has performed so far below the league average for so long as Joey Harrington. To be clear, Joey Harrington probably isn’t the worst quarterback of all time in an absolute sense. But in terms of being so far below average, but far enough above miserable to earn more playing time, Joey Harrington hurt his team more than any other QB in NFL history. If Harrington had been worse, he would have played less, and he wouldn’t have set back the teams he played on. To put it another way, if you had the choice of getting Joey Harrington for 2,538 attempts, or Roger Goodell for 9 attempts you would certainly choose Goodell. At least after he’s gone, your team has a chance.

The Chick-fil-A tomahawk chopping cow should give Joey a 21-chop salute at the Braves’ next home game.