Tiki Barber had some reason to celebrate this week, his divorce has been finalized. Barber, who wisely destroyed every relationship he had with active NFL players and coaches on his way out the door toward the promised land of a failed gig on the NBC TODAY Show, also desperately sought to revive his previous career last season only to have a single workout for one of the NFL’s worst franchises.

When life hands you lemons…you can add them to your Allagash White and plop in two straws, one for your best buddy and de facto publicist Peter King, right Tiki?

Still, at least he gets to go to bed with this. Multiple news sources are also reporting that Barber intends to marry his mistress. Somebody explain the definition of insanity to the now-broke former NFL star, please.

Ever since Alistair Overeem started eating babies “eating horse meat” there have been whispers that Overeem’s physique was on the wrong side of the vial. Overeem was an enigma, who remained heavyweight champ of Strikeforce despite defending the title only once in three years. If he had been a fighting champion there’s no question it would have helped Strikeforce put out a more competitive product to better compete with UFC.

Despite the steroids rumors, Overeem was a big score for the UFC; he was a legit heavyweight and the division needed them. Overeem was immediately awarded a fight against former heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar, beating him in the first round DESPITE the fact that he technically skipped town before his drug screening for THAT FIGHT, and got a conditional license from Nevada for the fight. Despite all the red flags though, Overeem delivered and he was rewarded with a title shot against Junior Dos Santos for UFC 146.

Dash my hopes and dreams, FOX SPORTS:

Overeem, along with all other main-card fighters, was tested at a press conference in Las Vegas to promote the UFC 146 pay-per-view event, at which Overeem was scheduled to take on UFC heavyweight champion Junior dos Santos. “The Demolition Man’s” sample came back showing an elevated level of testosterone, a result that indicates the illegal use of testosterone as a performance enhancing substance.

There’s still a chance that the “B” sample of Overeem’s urine will come back negative, but don’t hold your breath, this fight is probably not going to happen. Be ready to watch Frank Mir take on Dos Santos, which could be okay except Mir is inconsistent.

At the risk of going Florio on everybody here, it’s absolute bullshit that Overeem was able to put the UFC in this position in the first place. The UFC pushed Brock Lesnar to the moon when he first arrived in UFC, he was given a heavyweight title shot after just three fights, and now he’s back in WWE, so why didn’t White learn anything from that experience? Why was a rematch against Velasquez for Dos Santos so out of the question?

Years before he received the big boot and a leg drop by his ex-wife’s divorce attorney in court, Hulk Hogan was a mighty athlete that even graced the cover of Sports Illustrated.

But, on the heels of news that Hulk Hogan and Chyna can both be seen having sex on camera, we can rejoice now in learning that finally, a Hulk Hogan tape is being released in DVD format that we not only want to see, but that we may actually pleasure ourselves watching, too.

(record scratch)

I mean take pleasure in watching!

(laughs nervously, kicks bottle of lotion under desk)

That’s right folks, after years of ignoring my letters threatening suicide, Vince McMahon has taken time out from his busy schedule of forcing John Cena down our throats in order to do the greatest thing he has ever done (Wrestlemania 28 is this weekend).

’80s classic movie No Holds Barred will be coming out on DVD on July 3rd for the first time. Ever.

If you don’t remember the “dookie scene” please take this quick refresher.

Feel better? Okay, I’ll let wikipedia take it from here (SPOILER ALERT):

Hulk Hogan plays Rip, a very popular professional wrestler. Although Rip looks and acts like a brute, he is actually a golden-hearted guy. He has a younger brother, Randy (Mark Pellegrino), whose presence in the audience motivates him enough to win his matches.
Rip appears on a television channel which screens all his matches. Thanks to Rip, the channel is highly popular. However, the evil, money-hungry chairman of a rival channel, Brell (Kurt Fuller), wants to convince Rip to join their network. Rip respectfully declines, though Brell has his gang of thugs attempt to beat Rip into submission during the limo ride home from the meeting.
After visiting the No Count Bar, a rowdy establishment featuring a wrestling ring in the center and patronized by drunken, vicious fighters, Brell is inspired to create a new kind of wrestling program, focusing more on violence and sensationalism than Rip’s more moralistic version of the sport. Brell’s new program, Battle of the Tough Guys, is successful after the introduction of Zeus (Tom Lister, Jr.), a violent, seemingly unfazable ex-con who sports a “Z”-shaped patch of hair on his skull. Zeus killed an opponent in the ring after the fight was over, and has been in prison until recently.
Samantha, a beautiful corporate spy (Joan Severance), is sent by Brell to seduce Rip. However, Rip’s good nature and dedication to charity wins her over, and she confesses the truth to the wrestler and turns to his side. After this fails, Brell attempts to have Samantha raped; as usual, Rip foils the plot and dispatches the would-be rapist into a tree trunk. Meanwhile, Brell and Zeus crash an outdoor charity event Rip is appearing at, demanding that Rip prove his honor by fighting Zeus live on Brell’s new show. Once again, Rip avoids violent conflict and attempts to reason with Brell, who leaves in anger.
Randy and a friend decide to check out Zeus for themselves, attending an illegal fight being held in a warehouse. After watching Zeus defeat the monstrous Lugwrench Perkins (Jeep Swenson), Randy foolishly identifies himself as Rip’s brother to Brell and his associates. Randy attempts to defend himself, but Zeus brutally beats him, sending him to the hospital. Finally, after this ultimate insult, a tearful Rip decides to accept Zeus’ challenge.
Before the match, Brell abducts Rip’s friends and threatens to kill them if Rip doesn’t lose deliberately. With the odds against him, Rip wins the match after Zeus falls from a perch into the wrestling ring, collapsing it. Rip turns his attentions to Brell, who accidentally falls into an electrical panel to his demise. With his friends rescued and his brother recovering in the hospital, Rip celebrates his victory.

Devotees to this website will quickly learn that we cast a skeptical eye to our fellow writers who seem to relish each and every opportunity to enhance their own celebrity and become yet another “personality” of the Trent-Dilfer-Mark-Schlereth cast. Thus, Profootballtalk’s evil dwarf and high school yearbook nerd Mike Florio, who I reluctantly admit has been right about a few things, (just as stopped watches go) is doing his damnedest to create a controversy out of Peyton Manning’s decision to pull rank with former Denver Broncos quarterback Frank Tripucka and wear his formerly retired number 18 when he begins the 2012 NFL season under the knife center for the Broncos.

No fewer then three posts appeared in a single day criticizing Manning for donning the retired number on PFT. It’s not that Florio doesn’t have a point, he does, but athletes are superstitious people (Michael Jordan abandoned number 45 by like the third quarter of his first game back) and Elway would have probably sold his first-born into the Sierra Leone diamond mining trade just to get rocket-lazer-arm in Denver for next season.

Most likely to annoy me into posting this article:

If it goes against everything Manning believes in, then he should have politely declined. I’m sure if Manning had been wearing No. 7 since 1998, John Elway would “really want” Manning to wear Elway’s number, too. That doesn’t make it right.

DON’T YOU DARE EXERCISE YOUR OWN FREE WILL!

Indeed, it flies in the face of the entire concept of retiring numbers. If a number is retired, it’s retired. The person for whom the number was retired should have no say in the matter; part of the honor is that the topic of unretiring the number should never be broached.

It’s the Catalina wine mixer! People have literally killed to be in this position!

In this case, the skids were greased last week, when reporters began contacting Tripucka and asking him about whether the number would be dusted off for Manning. What would anyone expect Tripucka to say? ”No, it’s mine . . . and while we’re on the topic get off my lawn”?

To his credit, Tripucka acted charitably. But he never should have been placed in that position.

Fair point. Then again, Tripucka probably saw the Patriots game.

In the end, the Broncos are the custodians of the team’s numbers.

So then why do you even care? As soon as Manning goes down he’ll go under the knife again, retire for good, and 18 in Denver will belong to Tripucka again. Does this really matter?

And to those of you who think that Tripucka has manipulated this situation merely to get his name back into circulation after nearly 50 years of obscurity, keep two things in mind. First, he’s 84. Second, he has Alzheimer’s.

Has anyone said that? Also, although it is truly unfortunate it’s not like he’s giving Manning power of attorney, or buying volcano insurance from Manning. Also, the insinuation that the Broncos or Manning are taking advantage of Tripucka in his current state is deeply misleading since Mrs. Tripucka says her husband would feel honored.

Manning is going to wear a number for the Broncos for a couple seasons (if he’s supremely lucky) and then it will come down again. If nobody seems to care, then why do you care so much?

Anyone who reads this website with any regularity knows that we love MMA. I love MMA. I love UFC, and I especially love Rampage Jackson. But Quinton ‘Rampage’ Jackson has gone too damn far this time. Sure, Rampage has never been one to give conventional interviews, and he did not exactly act like a boy scout when he was UFC light heavyweight champion and decided to go on a police chase that would make O.J. blush. But, this is an entirely different thing. Rampage wants out of UFC.

Taste the sad, Yahoo! sports:

“I will fight whoever they put in front of me, I always have, but it will be my last fight in the UFC,” Jackson wrote. “I have other things on my mind.

“I didn’t say I would be done fighting, I just said I’m not fighting for the UFC (u fight cheap). Said I have other things on my mind (big head).”

From the sound of Jackson’s messages, he’s obviously unhappy with the UFC for both their pay structure as well as advice they are giving him on his career.

Okay, let’s…let’s just stop talking crazy here (laughs nervously). Let’s…just..talk..about it…(sweating profusely, tiptoeing up to Rampage, while concealing an ether rag).

To be fair, UFC does screw over their fighters, but Rampage isn’t one of them. Yahoo correctly points out that the UFC, and particularly Dana White, stood behind Jackson after the police chase, after he went off to star in the shitastic A-Team, and through years of back-and-forth about his future with the company. Rampage puts butts in the seats. But be careful what you wish for because it’s not like Strikeforce or Bellator are realistic options right now.