Its the spring time people! That wonderful time of year that, if you live in a densely populated area like myself, you can drink outside all weekend and stare at women in sundresses. Now, if you really want to impress those women while you are on the way to grab a tasty beverage, check out these brand new MINDBLOWING (see above) ways to get around on a skateboard. People be designing some crazy ‘ish over the winter.

1. Mind Controlled Skate Boards

This board is called the Board of Imagination and its by Chaotic Moon Labs (remember that name) and it is a skateboard that you literally control with just your thoughts. From a recent CNET article:

The obviously named Board of Imagination integrates a neuroheadset from a company called Emotiv, with a Samsung tablet running Windows 8, which is in turn connected to the skateboard’s motor. The headset translates thought into electrical circuitry that’s routed through the tablet, into the motor, and powers the board. Simply put, you think-it goes.

How sick is that? I hope you clicked through to see the video because i don’t feel like embedding it and robbing them of their hits.

Sure, its true, you can’t run out and buy one now, but when this technology actually comes to mass production can you imagine the new level of laziness it’l create? I mean this is lazier than the Segway and NOTHING is lazier to use than a Segway (ok, well maybe a Rascal). This could create a whole generation of atrophied kids who don’t ever have to physically exert themselves to get anywhere ever again!  Just stand, think, go!

Screw the hoverboard from Back to the Future II, I must have one of these when they come out!

2. Weight-Sensing Electric Skateboards

So, I get it, you don’t want to wait for the Board of Imagination, huh? Well the next best thing looks like it is already here in this weight sensing skateboard called the ZBoard. Instead of thinking, you just lean forward and the board senses your weight shift and then accelerates for you. That is it. No manual power necessary here either, just lean and boom you’re off.  Here’s the pertinent info from the Zboard people themselves:

Leaning on the front foot pad causes the ZBoard to speed up.  Leaning on the back foot pad causes the ZBoard to kick in regenerative braking.  These aren’t just on/off buttons, though.  They are completely variable, meaning the harder you lean forward the faster you go, and the harder you lean back the faster you come to a stop, even on a downhill slope!  You can cruise at a walking pace, or zoom all the way up to a top speed of around 17 miles per hour.

You can already pre-order a ZBoard right now up on Kickstarter if you were so inclined. You can also watch a video of it in action over there as well.

There is no easier way to look like a bad-ass than to skate uphill without ever having any of your feet leave the board like a sucker. That is some gangster mess right there. Women will be swooning, men will be jealous, children will be chasing you down the street cheering your name…

3. Super Strong Paper Skateboards

Yeah, there is a board out there that is made up of paper and resin and is stronger and more flexible than those normal, wooden, boards that you suckers out there are currently using. CHOKE ON THAT!

The EOSkate is made up of discarded, misprinted, books from a design firm, interlaced together in a poured resin body that was in a mold of a typical skateboard body.  The result was a beautiful board that ended up being stronger (because its mostly resin) and more flexible (because, again, its mostly resin) than a normal wood board.

Might be the wave of the future peoples.  Plus it is a damn good looking board.

4. Kinect Controlled Motorized Skateboards

Remember that company, Chaotic Moon Labs, from back up at the #1 spot?  Well they have another board that might blow your mind as well that’s called the Board of Awesomeness. It is a skateboard which was introduced at the Consumer Electronics Show 2012 that is operated by the Microsoft Kinect…yeah that thing you use to play kids games with on the Xbox 360.

Don’t let that Kinect branding fool you however, this is not some kid’s skateboard. It can achieve speeds as high as 32 MILES AN HOUR! I could explain how it works, but it would sound much better coming from the Chaotic Moon peoples:

So how does it work? Video recognition, speech recognition, location data, accelerometer data, and other factors determine what the user wants to do and allow the board to follow the operator’s commands without other aid. Very similar to using Kinect for Xbox 360, the Kinect device on our Board of Awesomeness transmits the user’s gestures and movement to the Samsung Windows 8 tablet that serves as the board’s central brain by controlling the speed of the board’s electric motor, which is up to 32 miles per hour. Yeah, that’s fast.

To get started, the user merely has to raise their hands to signal the Kinect device, look for the red dots to appear on their hands, and they are ready to roll. The only movement needed? Pushing the hands forward to speed up and pulling the hands back to slow down or stop. Amazing, we know.

Excuse me whilst I pick my jaw up off the floor. If you want to see a couple videos of the thing in action, click the link just above and click over here for another.

5. Folding Skateboards

So the one thing that all the above boards have in common is that they are kinda bulky. What if you live in a big city or in a small house and you need a compact board to get around town with? Well, my friend, you need the SNAP Skateboard.

This is the worlds first folding skateboard. See, it folds up so that you can put it away for easy storage in that tiny studio apartment that you are renting in Brooklyn.  ITS THE ULTIMATE HIPSTER SKATEBOARD!  Here’s how they make the magic happen:

The folding deck is constructed from durable aircraft aluminum and joined together by high strength steel, making it even stronger than a regular wooden deck.

Thats right, they have created a more portable board that is also stronger and lighter than a regular wooden deck.

WHAT AN AGE WE LIVE IN!

BONUS: Single Foot Snowboards

Look, the winter will be back soon and then it’l be too cold outside for you to skateboard. If you’re a boarder, you’re gonna want a new, high technology alternative to skateboarding in the cold. So here’s your chance to try out the Dual Snowboards. Its like a single snowboard…except there are two. Its like Spinal Tap turning that amp up to eleven…only this is snowboards and you the only thing you’ll be cranking up is the air that you’ll be getting when you strap these puppies on your feetsies.

So the point of these boards is freedom.  Freedom from locking both your feet in the constrictive bindings that snowboards currently have.  They give you more muscle control and more muscle control means bigger and better tricks that you can pull off. It might even make the damn sport easier.

These are pretty smart boards and I don’t see any reason why these aren’t going to quickly become the standard for snowboarding. Have you ever been snowboarding? If not, let me inform you…its pretty frigging difficult.

I went once, got a board, listened to some old dude talk about balance and weight shifting to turn and yadda yadda yadda “SHUT UP OLD MAN, I WANNA BOARD!”. Then hopped on the ski lift, got off, strapped my feet firmly onto the board and then just pointed myself downhill and away I went. I realized very quickly, as I was gradually accelerating downhill, that I must have missed the part of the lesson about stopping…because I couldn’t do it. I tried turning, but that just made me turn so i would have to turn back in the other direction to straighten myself out. Doing that only succeeded in me looking like a drunk snowboarders swerving on the course.

No, the only way I figured out that I could stop myself was to fling my body into the air, tuck as I hit the snow and roll until I came to a halt.

So that was my 1 snowboarding experience.  Rapidly accelerating downhill, and very much enjoying that part until I thought I might be getting close to the speed where I don’t want to cause myself injury if i fell, then tossing myself in the air like a sack of potatoes so that I could land and decellerate so that I could do the whole process again.

Needless to say, this was incredibly painful.

One time I was going so fast that when I threw myself in the air and landed to stop…I actually felt my organs inside me shift.  YOU NEVER WANT TO FEEL YOUR ORGANS DO ANYTHING EVER! Well maybe your heart beating and your stomach growling, BUT NOTHING ELSE!!

Its quite an unnerving feeling.

I slowed down after that.

 

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