Sometimes I wish I didn’t live in a two bedroom condo in the city. If I had a basement rumpus room (or “Man-cave” as is the mot du présent) every empty space of it would be filled with used crap that I just bought at this ESPN Zone auction that is currently going on right here in Washington DC. You can bid on things online and the auctions start closing on November 16th but you probably have to show up here to Washington DC pick up your crap if you win it.

You absolutely must check out some of the stuff you could own from this joint. Its like you actually could finally own all the stuff that was in that kids’ house on Silver Spoons. Lets take a look at some of the more awesome stuff that could be in your basement or garage if ONLY you had the space for it.

(NOTE: All prices listed here in this blog post could very well change by the time you read this, it is an online auction after all.  These were accurate as of Sunday the 6th of Nov. when I wrote this sucker.) 

This mofo measures 20FT DEEP X 124W X 112L and the current high bid is $12.50.  $12.50!!! I mean, sure it might take up the entire 2 car garage or basement but think of the drinking games that could come out of owning this AND JUST FOR TWELVE MEASLY DOLLARS!! That is nothing. A pittance even! I can see the high score list duct taped to the side already…

Ok, so who hasn’t wanted to be just like the President of the United States of America and have a motherfracking 2 lane bowling alley in their own house? I know I have and if you have too this sucker could be yours right now if you become the next high bidder at the low low price of $120. I mean, I would pay more than double that just to feel like the President for a little bit.  I really should work for this auction house.

(NOTE: CHIMPANZEE RAGE DOES NOT WORK FOR THIS AUCTION HOUSE NOR IS ANYONE FROM DEUCE OF DAVENPORT AFFILIATED WITH ESPN, ESPN ZONE, THE AUCTION HOUSE OR BOWLING…ESPECIALLY NOT BOWLING…WE ALL REALLY SUCK AT BOWLING.)

I dunno if you’ve ever played Hydro Thunder but this is one fantastic racing game. See, you’re the driver of some sorta hydrofoil boat of sorts and you get to race other riders on the water while navigating all sorts of fun obstacles and jumps. It really can be endless amounts of fun if you didn’t have to keep feeding that greedy bitch of a coin slot to keep the fun going.  But see, if you bought all four of these you could play to…INFINITY! This game is severely underrated in my mind and that fact is obvious when you look at where the auction currently is for each one of the 4 games. Here’s where we are at with them all $30, $55, $25 and $1.35. Yes, right now you would be the high bidder for this awesome game for just $1.35 or you could own them all for less than $200. WHATTABAHHGIN! If someone does purchase a couple of these machines, please remember to invite me over. I’ll bring chips and dip. It’l be a party.

Old hotness = skateboarding outside.  New hotness = skateboarding inside. Who needs to propel themselves manually and occasionally fall down like a sucker when you can get all the fun of skateboarding with all the safety that handrails provide without any of the actual tiring physical exertion or pain?? Right now, these both can be yours for 14 cents. You read that right.

Um, what are these two doing here and why is this picture going for more money than 3 Hydro Thunder machines combined??

Ok…a little creepy.

This appears to be a restroom waste receptacle. EW. I mean, it could be yours if you want it but…EWWWWWW. Look at the bottom of that thing.  Its been rusted!  One can only hope clean sparkling water from the Swiss Alps rusted it and not dirty pee water…but we all really know it was dirty pee water. Somehow there’s no bids yet. SHOCKING.

Alright, I could go on with this for a long long time so I will wrap this up on a high note. This could be the greatest item for sale in this entire restaurant and right now it can be yours for just $1.10:

HELLS YEA!

H/T to DC Urban Turf

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