More (Fake) Texts From Last Night

The last time I ran my close, personal texts from the sporting world’s elite, I noted how I liked to read the “real” Texts From Last Night and experience the schadenfreude. After awhile though, the site becomes more and more difficult to visit because you start picturing the people in the text messages actually performing some of the activities they’re texting about and it makes you jealous. In my mind, all of the women engaging in this drunken debauchery (save for the really depraved and creepy stuff) look like Vanessa Hudgens and all of the dudes are that guy who knocked up the hot Kardashian sister. I know in reality there is no way this is the case, but still: I want to read something that makes me feel better about myself, not a constant reminder of how old and boring I’m getting.  So, for the time being, I’ll stick with Lamebook. On to the texts:

First up, Mike Leake: apparently not a Macy’s card holder.

Next up, Shane Battier, who hit a game-winner and became a father for the second time on Sunday:

What can I say?  You’ve never heard of a UMD alum holding a grudge?  Haha.  Right.  I reached out to Bobby Knight to find out the truth about his comments regarding last year’s University of Kentucky team:

Let’s check-in with  Dan Snyder, already planning to recover revenue lost during the lockout:

Speaking of terrible owners, I got in touch with L.A. Dodger owner and recent divorcée Frank McCourt asking him about his recent financial troubles:

 

And lastly, I got in touch with “Philliebot,” the University of Pennsylvania-designed robot that will throw out the first pitch before tonight’s Phillies game:

They’re made of metal.  And they’re strong.

Tagged with: Bobby Knight • Dan Snyder • Frank McCourt • Mike Leake • Robot Insurance • Shane Battier • Text From Last Night

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