The Game Of Marriage Is Like A Sword Fight In Southeast China

Are you a man looking for everlasting love overseas? Tired of the multiple trips to Rostov-on-Don, Manila and Tirana? Try Foshan, China. The food and weather are great. Just make sure you bring your broadsword, bo staff and Tiger style if you want to have great success.

Two sisters are offering men the chance to win their hands in marriage. Ooh that’s good. However they have to compete in a 3-day martial arts challenge for the right to propose. Ooh that’s bad.

First contestants must show off their archery skills, then they must carry a heavy weight over sharpened bamboo spears, and finally they have to defeat one of the sisters in full contact combat.

Only then will contestants earn the right to remove the girls’ masks and propose to them.

‘They can chose open hand or any weapon they wish but we won’t be holding back. If they can’t beat us they aren’t worthy,” explained Lin.

‘We tried dating agencies but the men we met were all to weak. We could beat them easily,’ said Yin.

‘So we went back to ancient ways called Bi Wu Zhao Qin - which was the way warrior princesses would find their men.’

You have to feel for the guys who thought they were just going to meet up for dinner and/or drinks and found themselves being submitted by the Five Fingers of Death or Buddha’s Palm.

“So how did it go, Ip Man?”**

“Well it started off great. We got to know each other over a drink then went to dinner. In the middle, she jumped over the table and started feeding me. She kept feeding me and feeding me and feeding me…”

“That’s great! She likes you to eat!”

“No, it’s terrible. She sewed my asshole closed first.”

Needless to say, potential husbands haven’t been rushing to take up the challenge. There are some issues as pointed out by one “doubtful suitor”.

“I’m a very good martial artist - but I think I’d want to see them with the masks off before I decided whether I wanted to fight for them.”

“Janet Jackson? Look more like Freddie Jackson!” Maybe bachelor #1 would be more up for a fight if they fought Busty Heart. Let’s just say her style is floppy but deadly. In the words of someone who witnessed her in action, “She is awesome but you wouldn’t want to be behind her when she’s running for a bus.”

** If you love martial arts movies and haven’t seen Ip Man, you’re slipping. Get your hands on it ASAP then get 2 and 3.

Tagged with: Britain's Got Talent • Busty Heart • China • Friday • Ip Man • Kung Fu • Marriage • Method Man • Wu-Tang Clan

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