Are you enjoying the tape-delayed barrage of figure skating and luge on every NBC network? Are you feeling the hyperbole of Jimmy Roberts along with the bloated presence of Al Michaels? No?

People can yell like Mexican soccer announcers but it’s not going to make cross country skiing any more exciting. You know what makes Olympic sports thrilling. Tropical countries.

The Jamaican bobsled team captured the imagination of even the most skeptic Olympic watcher and that was before John Candy. The Vancouver Olympics has offered an Ethiopian skier and Indian luger but they’re just slow. You know what these games need? Venezuela. Start at :50.

Now that’s drama. We need more overmatched people from tropical climates to liven these Games up. The 2002 Salt Lake City Games did it right. Hugo Chavez sent Iginia Boccalandro, a former basketball player, to represent Venezuela in the luge competition. It went as well as you would expect. She was unharmed after her accident and lived to luge another day.

If she was good enough for a presidential candidate without conviction like Mitt Romney, she’s good enough for you. The free heating oil is great but how about more winter sport athletes, Hugo?

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