Well, what am I supposed to do? You won’t answer my calls, you change your number. I mean, I’m not gonna be ignored, Cristiano!

You don’t leave Sir Alex Ferguson unless he wants you to leave. Jaap Staam, Ruud Van Horseyface and David Beckham got off lucky. He wanted them gone. Cristiano Ronaldo was a different story. Fergie did everything he could to keep him there but the orange one was determined to go for the money grab. Fergie had a Pete Carroll reaction to Ronaldo’s departure and that should have been the end of it however…

We’re not saying Fergie’s the one who hired a witch doctor to put a curse on Ronaldo but someone did it.

Cristiano Ronaldo is under attack from a witch who has been hired to inflict a serious injury on the Real Madrid star.

It is claimed that a famous figure who knows the winger well has hired the practitioner to cast a voodoo spell.

‘I have nothing against this grand club,’ wrote the anonymous witch in a letter to the El Mundo newspaper. ‘I am a professional and get paid very well for using my powers.

‘I have been contracted so Cristiano Ronaldo suffers a serious injury. I can’t promise that will be, but I can say he will be injured for more time than he plays.

‘The person who has contracted me is famous, and knows the player personally.’

In other words, Jobu no help Ronaldo now. Someone’s about to get all Screwface on his ass.

Ronaldo’s current team, Real Madrid blew off the threat by saying this type of shit happens every day. A spokesman called it “a stupid thing just like all the others Madrid comes across every day”.

Wait until they get a bunch of dreadlocked Jamaicans storming the Bernabeu and Ronaldo gets introduced to Screwface’s sister, Goddess of Fire.

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Filed under: Cristiano Ronaldo • Curses • Fatal Attraction • I Say Fuck You Jobu • Marked For Death • Real Madrid • Sir Alex Ferguson • Soccer

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