Finally Something To Replace The NHL

Can Alexander Ovechkin eat 47 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes? Hell naw. Can Sidney Crosby eat 241 chicken wings? Sheeeeeeeit. They better step off like grandpa. They may earn the big bucks and play who knows when on Versus if you can find it but they have nothing when it comes to competitive eating. When was the last time hockey was on ESPN??

The next step in the competitive eating takeover has commenced with the release of Major League Eating: The Game. The game features competitive eaters such as Joey Chestnut and Takeru Kobayashi. Can you say you were there when Kobayashi ate 54 hot dogs in 12 minutes at Coney Island? I can and now you can too.

Mastiff brings you Major League Eating: The Game, featuring competitive eaters like Takeru Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut. Master an offensive and defensive arsenal and become an eating champion.

The game brings you American heroes you can support like Chestnut and the Sonya "Black Widow" Thomas. No long do you have to support players named Satan, freedom lovers! No more compromising your principles by supporting pinkos who happen to wear your team's colors. No more having to take crap from America Jr. about being better in the game even though they can't remember the last time the Stanley Cup went north of the border.

It also has an international appeal. Did you know Chestnut also holds the gyoza world record? 212 gyoza. That's chicken and vegetable. Screw Godzilla. Japan better fear Jaws. Now that's mandible destiny, my friends.