My Prediction For The Election? Kane!

Wonkette reports that WWE wrestler Kane has endorsed Paultard #1 Ron Paul.

Stories like this gives us...well me the chance to touch on other subjects outside the world of sports such as politics. If you have any interest in politics or a sadomasochistic streak, Wonkette is a required visit several times a day for a generally humorous look at the assclowns and hacks who run this country.

It's usually a clusterfuck when the worlds of sports and politics collide. There are exceptions but the loudest ones (see Curt Schilling) are usually the reason why people say athletes and other entertainers should stay out of politics. This is said as though the average person or politician is that much more intelligent. Elections aren't contests for the most qualified. They're glorified popularity contests for power-hungry/delusional people who are about stuff, things and whatever you're for. Enter Kane.

“Over the next year or so, many different people are going to tell you which presidential candidate to vote for. I’m not qualified to do that (and, in reality, neither is anyone else), but I would like to explain why I support and am going to vote for Congressman Ron Paul. [I'm going to tell you who to vote for anyway.]

...If you aren’t concerned about any of these things, you’ll have plenty of choices for President in 2008. If, on the other hand, you would like to see the IRS eliminated and the income tax ended, a return to sound money and the end of inflation, and a President who takes his oath to defend the Constitution and the Bill of Rights seriously, then Dr. Ron Paul is your only choice.

It’s not just a catch phrase; Ron Paul is Hope for [white] America.”

Well this endorsement means nothing when you put it up against Ric "WOOOO!" Flair and Chuck Norris' endorsement of Mike Huckabee.

Every candidate should have a pro sports endorsement. We've gone through the trouble of matching them up with someone from the world of sports so they can spend more time telling you that showing up and being in the same building means more foreign policy experience and that atheists, agnostics and non-Christians are on their own when the homeland is attacked in Iraq. 9/11!

We'll start off the Republican endorsements today and bring you the Democratic endorsements tomorrow.

Mitt Romney - Bobby Petrino/Nick Saban

Mitt gets the two for one here. What better says I'll tell you whatever you want to hear but don't trust a word I say because you can bet I'll change than the endorsements of Atla...Arkansas head coach Bobby Petrino and Miam...Alabama head coach Nick Saban?

Ron Paul - Jerry Glanville

Yeah he has Kane but Jerry Glanville works on so many levels. Both are batshit crazy and have no discernible talent. Paul has gotten lucky due to the existence of thousands of idiots who would have thrown their weight behind Nader if he were around yet most can't tell you what he's about besides Iraq.

Paultard #1 hangs out with Stormfront, wants to get rid of most federal agencies and thinks we can dump the federal income tax without having a plausible alternative.

Glanville got lucky with Warren Moon, Haywood Jeffries, Drew Hill and Ernest Givens. He left tickets for Elvis during every game he coached and dressed like an off-brand Johnny Cash. He was a disaster as a studio commentator but he did have Pigskin Footbrawl. I assume Ron Paul's game would team up Kane, Ric Flair and Stromfront as they cruise the country in an RV hunting down black people. Surviving the Game on wheels if you will.

Duncan Hunter - Jerry Tarkanian

All Hunter needs to do is start chewing on a towel. As Trapper John points out, neither have seen a bribe they haven't liked. Anderson Hunt and the Mafia are to The Tark as Duke Cunningham and Brent Wilkes are to Hunter.

All we need to see is a picture of Hunter hanging out in a hot tub with Duke, Wilkes and a couple defense contractors a few weeks before the contractors get a massive no-bid contract from DoD. You sit here and tell me that UNLV really lost that game against Duke. That was possibly one of the biggest fixes in NCAA history. Well besides the one orchestrated by Dion Lee and Dewey Williams.

Fred Thompson - Marv Levy

Yes they're very old and very white but they also have the same trait of being absolutely useless in power. Senator Thompson would often be caught sleeping under his table or in the cloakroom while GM Levy was busy doing nothing except digging in his Depends over and over again. He did take the Bills $10 million under the cap but forgot that he had the money or he sent it to Sani Abacha's son in Nigeria.

Thompson has never done anything except be a yes man during Watergate. It's not clear if he remembers what he's running for.

"Senator, where do you stand on immigration reform?"
"Why I go in and out of comas all the....French toast please!"

Alan Keyes - Darren Daulton

Now go to If They Only Knew on DarrenDaulton.com. Nuff said.

Mike Huckabee - Wayne Fontes

Oh don't let the poll surge and sweet talk fool you. Oh Huck's damn charming but he's a certifiable wack job too. When he's not quarantining people with AIDS or Pakistanis, he's taking back the country for Christ. Wait until more stories about his beliefs come out.

There are only a few in sports so detached from reality. Hah? One is former Detroit Lions head coach Wayne Fontes. Nothing fazed him. He met constant defeat, disappointment and the threats of thousands of fans with a smile Corky would have loved. He always had a cheery demeanor and warm smile. Either he was that tough or he was about as aware as a kid who chugged lead paint for 10 years.

Rudi Giuliani - Bill Belicheck

This has nothing to do with going undefeated. It has everything to do with being a prick and being a cheat...The wife thing not Spygate. Then again it doesn't seem Belicheck would be stupid enough to appoint some equivalent to Bernie Kerik to a coordinator position or recommend him for a position in the league office. You know you done fucked up when they take your name off the jail.

John McCain - Drew Bledsoe

Both know what it's like to undergo intense mental and physical torture. McCain was held and tortured as a POW by the Vietcong while Bledsoe got wrecked by Mo Lewis and then had to endure the success of Tom Brady and Tony Romo.