Sashay Shante, Rooney

Wayne Rooney doesn't takes 'em 8 to 80 dumb, crippled and crazy like Big Daddy Kane. He takes them dumb and 80 except when it comes to 'is Colleen. We know how he loves him some dusty granny action on the DL. Now he's going have to work it and do his thing down the wedding aisle if his cousin has anything to say about it. Good thing he has an open mind.

Rooney is marrying his WAG Colleen in June 2008 and his tranny cousin Stephen wants to be a bridesmaid. In fact, he's already hitting the shops in hope/anticipation of Colleen asking him to be a part of the wedding.

Friends are worried that the wedding would turn into a spectacle due to Stephen's antics. However, they shouldn't be so quick to judge. One friend said, ""Wayne didn't rule Stephen out so we reckon he's still in with a chance as a bridesmaid ... and he'd do as good a job as posh friends like Victoria Beckham any day."

Stephen also works at Kentucky Fried Chicken so he could stock the reception at cost or even less if he saves up his shift meals and keeps them frozen until June. He's the gift that keeps on giving.

If this picture is anything to go by, he'll definitely do a better job than Rio Ferdinand.

Colleen had some "thoughts" on her impending nuptials.

"What I do know is that wherever we marry I'd like a Catholic ceremony and want to be married by a priest. I'm really looking forward to becoming Mrs Wayne Rooney!"

Yeah, Pope Benedict will be down with a drunken Scouser tranny in the wedding party. The Catholic Church's stance against Scousers hasn't changed since Liverpool's founding in 1207.

Rugby Players Are Affectionate Towards Each Other

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...this one is worth at least two. So gay...

I'm In Control Here

"He's kind of in the same position Bush is in. No matter what he does, if it's good, no one's going to give him a break. Everything he does or the team does that doesn't look good, he's going to get blamed for. Isiah's heart is in the right spot. He's trying to do the things to manufacture a good team. Things aren't clicking. It's easier to fire a coach than 15 players."

-- Phil Jackson on Isiah Thomas

Four words. Stephon Marbury Eddy Curry.

The Constitutional Vol. "Back From Break"

Aaaaaaaand we are back. I hope all had a nice winter holiday, I know did. We missed a ton over the last couple weeks (like the Najeh Davenport playing thing) that we were sporadically posting, but we'll come on strong heading into and through the new year. Its good to be back...Welcome to the Constitutional.

• We were interviewed by this new blog recently, it was posted while we were on break, but here it is. Sports Tech Blog
  


• We also participated in Jamie Mottram's top 40 sports figures of 2007 list, see what some of the top names in blogging had to say about who were the most blogable sports peoples this year. Yahoo Sports
  


• WCK never ceases to amaze me with his coverage of the Olympics. This Olympics advertisement is one of the most glorious abortions on film i've ever seen. 100% Injury Rate
  


• Found: Footage of Jordan vs Len Bias in college. Disappointing these two never got to spar in the NBA. Hoopsvibe
  


• What Derrick Coleman is up to nowadays. Can't Stop The Bleeding
  


• This guy has no business being on the sidelines of a college football bowl game. Awful Announcing
  


• Liston brings you...the Douchemaster 2000! Introducing Liston
  


• Steve Nash is walking behind Jessica Alba...and so would we. The Big Lead
  


• Darren McFadden just ended his college career in style. Cadillac style. (the new look)Sports by Brooks
  


• Carl (of Aqua Teen Hunger Force) makes his Bowl picks. You have to watch. With Leather
  


• Why the D-Rays suck, Lamaritis. DRaysBay
  


• Len Kasper and Bob Brenly cannot rock. Home Run Derby
  


• One of the best "O" faces on a baseball card ever. Wax Heaven
  


• Do Steroids Really Work? Seems silly, but it is a good question to ask. The Slav
  

Tap The Bottle And Eat The Cap

Leave it to the Australians to take a celebration to the next level. Screw pouring beer on heads. Try eating the bottle caps as well.

An amateur Aussie Rules football player was rushed to the hospital after swallowing a bottle cap during celebrations for a grand final win. He chugged a beer and swallowed the cap that was at the bottom.

He was rushed to the hospital where surgeons were able to remove the cap using an endoscope. His blood alcohol level was almost .11.

"This is the first one of these I've seen (personally), but we see stupid stuff all the time - it always involves young blokes, beer, girls and sport,'' [Royal Adelaide Hospital emergency department registrar Dr. Robert Douglas] said.

You think it would end there but it don't. As Mickey Rivers would say, "You think it don't be like it is but it do".

Dr. Douglas wrote an article in the British Medical Journal which uses this incident to illustrate that champagne and wine are safer than beer when celebrating or making it rain.

Excessive alcohol consumption as a celebratory consequence of high profile sporting victories is well known. Oesophageal obstruction from a bottle cap, however, is rarely seen in emergency departments.^{1 2} In suspected cases, airways obstruction and injury should be rapidly excluded. A comprehensive Medline search failed to elicit an example of oesophageal obstruction secondary to the ingestion of a champagne (or wine) cork. Since the 18th century, champagne has been the beverage of choice for celebrations³ and on current evidence should remain so.

If anything, this incident should be looked at as a challenge to the next Aussie Rules champions. Let's see you down a bottle cap, mate.

Since we referenced it and you know you want it...

Happy Boxing Day

We at the Deuce hope yours is better than this clown's.


KO With The 1st Punch! - For more funny videos, click here