Derek Jeter's Mom Will Whup That Ass

Don't you mess with my baby! Ain't nobody fuckin' with him except me! My baby ain't never hurt nobody! WHY??!! Oh Lawd, where's Rev. Al??

You have to love those local tv news interviews with the mothers of people who have clearly done something wrong. Yeah 45 witnesses may have seen Ray Ray shoot up the club but that don't mean he did nuthin'. He's a good boy who never got in trouble besides the 268 times he's been pulled in for questioning and the time he beat down that old woman for her baloney samich and her social security. Add Derek Jeter's mom to the Not My Baby group on Facebook.

Dorothy Jeter went off on a Daily News reporter who came to her house asking for comment on the tax cheat allegations against her son.

"He pays his taxes," Dorothy Jeter told the Daily News.

"My boy does everything right - everything right," she said at her New Jersey home. "He's paid taxes in New York for every doggone day he's been there."

"Do you have children?" she cried. "You know how hard it is to watch on the news that your son is a tax cheat?

"It kills me," she added. "You're going to give me a heart attack."

"This is worse then when I heard he gave that girl who can't act herpes."

Ok maybe she didn't say that last part but I'm sure she would have if she knew about it.

Moms insists that Derek is a resident of Florida and not New York. Legal papers submitted by the state tax authorities rely in part on his statements professing love for the New York. In that case, I'm a resident of Gary and Flint. I love those cities!

Indians Get Revenge On Animals and White People At The Same Time

The badger slashing before the game should have been a warning to the rest of the Badgers. The North Dakota Fighting Sioux took on the Wisconsin Badgers hockey team in a all out brawl which resulted in ejections and an apology letter.



Now Wisconsin knows how Indian casino gamblers feel. Payback's a muthafucka, ain't it?

When A Ho Is Not A Ho

I always knew there was something off about the Australians besides their criminal nature. Now I know what it is. They hate freedom as well.

Santas in Sydney have been told to say "ha ha ha" instead of "ho ho ho" when out and about frequenting prositutes or taking orders from kids.

One disgruntled Santa told the [Daily Telegraph] a recruitment firm warned him not to use "ho ho ho" because it could frighten children and was too close to "ho", a US slang term for prostitute.

Even the ho who runs the campaign against sexualizing kids called Kids Free 2B Kids said it was a joke. "Gimme a break, We are talking about little kids who do not understand that "ho, ho, ho" has any other connotation and nor should they."

I guess kids really aren't free 2B kids if they can't discover the true meaning of ho the same way they discover the true meaning of Christmas. Commie whore.

I Know Verne Lundquist And You Are No Verne Lundquist

The Soulja Boy travels faster than SARS or the herpes on Paris Hilton's crotch. It looks like it just moved ahead of mad cow in England. Guess which one Anton Ferdinand and Nigel Reo-Coker have and win a vaccine!



Wrong. It's mad cow. You'll get nothing and like it.

Your Mama's So Fat, She Beeps When She Backs Up

You know what else beeps when it backs up? The wahmbulance.

We might have to call in another one at the rate English government ministers and players keep crying over the influx of foreign players into the Premiership. Sports minister Gerry Sutcliffe and Liverpool's Steven Gerrard are calling for a quota on the amount of foreign players allowed for a club.

"We may need to have some sort of independent look at what needs to happen. We have got the best league in the world and it's great that we have got the talent that is there in terms of the Premier League.

"But obviously we need to see how that impacts on and affects the national team."

"I believe," he said, "that if foreigners do take over completely it will make things even worse for the national team." Gerrard backs a quota scheme, despite the difficulties of developing a system that complies with European and national laws.

Interesting. Blame foreign players for England's lack of success and shit management. Are there a lack of good English players? Yes. There's no question about that. However it's a bit specious to blame England's mediocrity on the amount of foreign players playing in England.

Blame must start at the top with the FA which is a symbol of all that is wrong in English football. A misplaced sense of superiority combined with blinding incompetence. One only need look at the process used to choose the England manager along with the eventual choices. It's always a disaster from the start and they always rule out anyone who might have a chance of success for idiotic reasons. It seems similar to the NBA coaching merry-go-round where the same below-.500 donkeys always seem to get jobs.

Mediocrity is Job #1 in English soccer. If the manager is mediocre, there's little hope for success on the pitch. Time and time again, the FA picks managers who have limited success at the club level and I emphasize limited. Current manager Steve McClaren (affectionately known as McClown or McDonkey) was abysmal at Middlesbrough. He was so bad that a fan ran on the pitch, ripped up his season ticket and threw it at him. Clearly he was a man in need of a promotion and more responsibility.

Managers continue to pick players who don't perform simply because of their names. They're unwilling to drop under performing big name players who have no business on the field due to pressure from the FA and fans. Younger players with potential rarely get a chance. Sven Goran Eriksson was accused of using this selection policy as well however his current run with Manchester City shows that maybe it wasn't him that was the problem. It has become clear that he was forced to work with what he had and it wasn't much.

The influx on money from foreign ownership and television contracts has also increased the stakes and need for immediate success which limits the time young players have to develop whether English or foreign.

Perhaps players and management should look within themselves first before being so quick to cast the blame at others. Funny how the excuses are starting to flow even before England's crucial match with Croatia. Guess they want to have an excuse ready when they flame out and miss Euro 2008. They have no one to blame but themselves if they miss out.

Curtis Martin Is No Different Than Jay-Z

Curtis Martin, former Jet and Patriots all-pro running back, is planning on purchasing a part of an NFL team next year. Martin retired before the start of this season, ending his 12 year professional career due to a bone on bone knee injury. Right now, its not looking like its the NY Jets he's planning on buying into...so that leaves 31 other teams he could have a shot at part-owning. That's news, but the real news is his reasons for doing this near unprecedented purchase:

"I want to become a new image of what a professional athlete is," Martin said. "I think presently in sports, you have the whole bravado, bling-bling, and it seems that that's the image that most of us look up to, and I don't know who set that image. I want to be a different image. I want to be an image that's positive for you long-term. ... That's one of my true motivations, is to be a different goal to reach versus just having a million homes and a million cars and all the jewelry in the world."

Um...what? Tell me, whats the difference in purchasing a million cars and jewelry and buying into a professional sports team? Is one huge self indulgence better than the other? How is he any different than the other athletes he is putting down while making himself out to be the ultimate role model?

"[It's] a chance to be a businessman, a leader, an innovator and a role model."

Man, Curtis is trying to make himself a saint for buying into a football team! Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with an athlete becoming an owner, I think its a great thing. Its his holier than thou reasons that get to me.

He says he wants to have a different image than the "bling bling" generation of role-models, but why is this any different from a gangsta rapper now getting his own glamour label through a big record company after he's "made it"?

It is good that Curtis wants to present a positive image to the kids, but surely there must be a better way than owning part of a football team. If he really wanted to reach people, he'd take that money and give it all to charity instead of indulging himself in a different way than all the other athletes he speaks of. Yes, I realize Curtis does a TON of charity work already...that isn't the point. The point is, he wants to help people by buying a football team, while pretending it is not a massive indulgence on his part and none of that makes sense.

In truth, if he wanted to help people he could take that football team purchasing money and give to the homeless more, build a shelter, buy a school more books, give more scholarships, start a business he can run that can help people, something, because indulging himself in sports entertainment while pretending he is better than his soon to be employees doesn't help anyone but himself. By owning a team, Curtis doesn't create a new role model for people to look up to, he will be nothing more than the sports world's Jay-Z.

From NY Daily News & Canadian Free Press

The Worst Thing Since the Extra Innings DirectTV Deal

As much fun as sports blogs are, most of us don't do any real reporting. We rely in large part on working journalists (and no, I don't mean Stephen A.) to provide the straight news and content that we can then distill into slanderous half-truths and mockery fuel. (The rest of our content we just rip off wholesale from YouTube.) Everyone has a role in today's digital media; the journos are like the wise farmers carefully tending to their wheat and hops in the field, and we're like the crime syndicate brewery that takes those noble grains, pisses on them, and sells the run-off as Steel Reserve.

The point is that we need journalists. Sure, we kid them, but they're giving us the news that we need in order to engage in ill-informed sports banter. At the core of sports reporting, of course, is the idea that it is just that: reporting news events to a public that needs to be informed about news. And just like CNN doesn't have to pay the Kucinich campaign to let Candy Crowley eat danishes while taking notes on the Keebler Elf's latest speech about stardust vistors from the fifth dimension, sports journalists have never needed to pay sports teams or leagues for the privilege of reporting on their games.

Hell, even Mariotti gets a press pass allowing him to enter Soldiers Field without paying Da Bears or the NFL. And the same goes for the infinitely more talented Sun-Times news photographer who allows us to witness gritty, timeless images of triumph and defeat like that seen on the right. Honestly, could we truly appreciate the magic that is Rex Grossman without having seen him violated by a Packer? No, my friends, we could not. We simply could not understand his greatness without having viewed that picture. And we owe it all to a news photographer.

Unfortunately, the basic journalistic right of news photographers to document sporting events without having to pay off sports league suits may be in peril. The douches at Cricket Australia want to require photogs to pay a licensing fee to the organization in exchange for their press accreditation. In essence, they are requiring journalists to pay for the right to cover news. The response of the major news agencies has -- understandably -- been to boycott coverage of the current Test series between Australia and Sri Lanka. Why in god's name, they ask, should we pay to gather news? After all, it would set a terrible precedent. Yet Cricket Australia is persisting in its attempt to squeeze every dollar, pound, rand, and rupee out of the game, and AFP, Reuters, and the AP are continuing to boycott the Tests.

"Reuters remains adamant on its right to distribute sports news pictures freely," Monique Villa, the managing director of Reuters Media, told Reuters. "I met with Cricket Australia last Sunday in London and nothing has really changed. They want to control our news and who can receive it, which is totally unacceptable."

The biggest losers, of course, are that sorry number among us who happen to be cricket fans. And unforunately, it appears that the greedheadedness might not be limited to CA -- the BCCI, India's governing cricket board, apparently is as short-sighted as the Aussies. Which goes to prove the old axiom -- if the BCCI supports you, you know that you're wrong.

Lest you think that "it can't happen here," remember that Bud Selig and Gary Bettman bow to no one in their short-sighted pursuit of cash. Unless this is nipped in the bud Down Under, I fully expect that the American sports leagues are goling to begin charging journalists for the right to report sports news. And when that happens, instead of seeing glorious full-color pictures of Sexy Rexy being sodomized on the cover of USA Today, we're likely to see a lot of notices like this:


Don't say you weren't warned.

What Is It With Snitchin' These Days

First Pacman and now Starbury? Carmelo Anthony must be rolling over in his grave or his pick. Late yesterday, Pacman copped a plea deal that will result in him getting probation in exchange for his testimony about Make It Rain night during the Black Super Bowl. Now Starbury has threatened to out Isiah Thomas after going AWOL and skipping last night's game against the Phoenix Suns.

Gout/Heart attack-in-waiting Eddy Curry told Starbury that both were pulled from the starting lineup of last night's game. Starbury went to the front of the plane (enroute to Phoenix) to speak with Isiah. Starbury emerged outraged and told the team that he wasn't suiting up if he wasn't playing. He then said,

"Isiah has to start me," Marbury fumed, according to the source. "I've got so much (stuff) on Isiah and he knows it. He thinks he can (get) me. But I'll (get) him first. You have no idea what I know."

He proceeded to land in Phoenix and fly back to New York to impregnate interns like Jason Caffey until his situation is resolved.

What shit does he have? I would love to hear about Starbury, Isiah and Nate Robinson running the train on some intern in the back of Starbury's Escalade while Jim Dolan watches through the tinted window because they won't let him in.

Pacman and Starbury have forgotten what happpens to snitchers? I think it's time for another video. Some people might have to get dealt with.

ESPN reported that the Knicks were considering a contract buyout but the Daily News reports that Starbury could fly to LA and rejoin the team. Isiah also hopes to work things out.

"It seems like he and I kinda go through this every November," Thomas said. "And then a couple of weeks go by and we kinda kiss and make up and we get back to the business of trying to win basketball games. Hopefully, in the next couple of days this will be resolved."

Then again, I'd be pissed if I had to start behind Mardy Collins. I mean he can't even spell Marty. Starting behind an illiterate and the off-brand Rolando Blackmon is no way to roll when you're Starbury.

That's So Racialist

If you're not familiar with Vice Magazine's Do's and Don'ts, you're missing out. Here's an example along with Vice's caption.


"You realize people who aren’t into soccer see a black man on your back with two cannons pointing at his head, right?"

Cal Band Pays Tribute To Video Games

This is one hell of a halftime show here. The Cal Bears marching band decided that during their November 3rd game against Washington State to pay tribute to video game history during their halftime show. Let it be written in stone that Cal students are dorks, but man do they put on a spectacle here. Can you name all the video games that they pay tribute to in this epic display of geekdom?

20,000 Soccer Fans Now Own Team

In a story we've been following here for awhile, the MyFootballClub.co.UK people have finally successfully purchased an English Premiership Football team. The site allowed soccer fans to pay £35 each for a share in a team to be purchased in the future. Yesterday it was announced that the group had purchased Ebbsfleet United PC, a Blue Square Premier team that is currently in 9th place and just 1 promotion away from reaching Football League for the first time in team history.

The new owners of the team have a 51% controlling stake and each member of MyFootballClub will vote on whom the team should buy to move the team forward in the future and other ownership matters.

Crazy what can happen when a group of fans get together to make a change in sport. The fans are the ones that really put the money in the player's pockets, it seems only fair that the fans should be able to make a decision as to how the team is run. These people took that idea and ran with it.

If only this could happen here in the States. Imagine if a group of NBA fans got together and pooled enough money to purchase the Seattle Supersonics to keep them in Seattle, or if a group of MLB fans pooled their resources to purchase the Chicago Cubs? How much better or worse could either one of those organizations be run? Certainly, neither could be run as poorly as they are now.

Here's to hoping one day, us fans in the United States wise up and realize that we can do something like this and keep teams out of the hands of the Dan Snyders of the world. Individually we are weak, together, we are strong...or something like that.

From BBC Sport