Oh No Now My Pants Are Chafing Me

If your vicar tells you to take off your pants and cough, you might want to get a second opinion.

You can never accuse the church of not learning its lesson. After taking a public beatdown over child abuse allegations, the men of the cloth realized that they had to change tactics if they wanted to get their rocks off outside of the seminary. The answer? Sports medicine.

Rick Nash Is Better Than You

Check out Rick Nash's shot between the legs during last night's game between the Blue Jackets and Blues. I keep forgetting there's a team called the Blue Jackets. That's Georgia Tech's team, right?

Don't Make Ray Ray Mad

You won't like Ray Lewis when he's mad. He could do his version of the Buckhead Bounce on you meaning he gets a little stabby then takes off before anyone knows what happened.

Lewis started the week off by going off on Ravens head coach Brian Billick for idiotic play calling on his Baltimore radio show. He didn't stop with Billick. He also gave some to former teammate Adalius Thomas, now with New England, after an Oct. 16 Sports Illustrated article came out where Thomas criticized the Ravens as attention seekers.

"People there wanted the limelight; people sought out the limelight, starting with the head coach. It was a star-studded system. Here it's about as different as you can get. Everybody here shies away from being the star guy. Nobody on this team beats his chest. They just all go about their business. And win."

Lewis responded on Monday in the midst of calling out Billick.

"When you take a shot at men that you claim to love to go to war with, I call those cowards," Lewis said. "If you have something to say privately, you don't have to go to a newspaper. If you have something to say to a man, speak it."

"We won a Super Bowl without Adalius Thomas. The New England Patriots won three Super Bowls without Adalius Thomas. You're talking about a guy who we put in - a great talent, don't ever get me wrong - but systematically we had to fit him into our schemes."

Thomas didn't take too kindly to being called a coward in addition to being a cog. He called Lewis a coward for not taking his complaints about the play-calling upstairs to the offensive genius himself.

The Patriots play the Ravens on Dec. 3. Lewis might want to hold back considering Billick couldn't coach his way out of a wet paper bag right now.

Who's Who in the CFL?

We sometimes forget that there is a haven for failed NFL players up north. The CFL is a place for those who wish to play competitive football that is not the bastard Arena Football League hybrid...instead its a bastard outdoor league hybrid. I mean, 3 downs? WTF??? But I digress, lets take a look at some people you may or may not remember that were once college greats but NFL busts, that are actually thriving in the Canadian Football League:

Jarrett Payton -
College: University of Miami
Best Known For: Being Walter Payton's son
Career Highlight: Being on the World Bowl XIII Champion Amsterdam Admirals
Undistinguished NFL Career: Finished the 2005 NFL season with the Tennessee Titans having 33 carries for 105 yards and 2 touchdowns. Released the next season.
Where is He Now: The Montreal Alouettes. Currently 5th in the league in rushing with 822 yards, averaging 5.3 a carry, and 9 TDs (1 receiving)

Michael Bishop -
College: Kansas State
Best Known For: Being the first cousin of actor/comedian/singer Jamie Foxx and finishing 2nd to Ricky Williams (another CFL alum) in the 1998 Heisman Trophy Award.
Career Highlight: Starting all 25 games in his K-State career and holds the school career records with 23 rushing touchdowns and 1,314 yards rushing for quarterbacks (11th overall).
Undistinguished NFL Career: Signed with the Patriots in 1999, saw first action in 2000 and only threw nine times with three completions, one of which being a 44 yard hailmary pass. Out of the league by 2001.
Where is He Now: Toronto Argonauts. Currently the Argonauts starting QB and 6th best quarterback in the CFL, Bishop has an 87.1 QB rating with 2409 yards and 18 TDs. Bishop has also run for 219 yards on 33 carries.

Robert Edwards -
College: University of Georgia
Best Known For: Blowing out his knee at a NFL rookie flag football game at the All Star game in Hawaii, barely escaping the injury without having his leg amputated below the knee, and told he may not walk again.
Career Highlight: After being drafted in the 1st round, Edwards ran for 1,115 yards as a rookie with the New England Patriots in the 1998 season.
Undistinguished NFL Career: After ruining his knee, Edwards took 4 years to come back to the league, where he was only relegated to 3rd down duties for just one season with the Miami Dolphins.
Where is He Now: Toronto Argonauts. Edwards is eighth in the league in rushing with 668 yards and 3 touchdowns, averaging 4.5 yards per carry.

Terrence Edwards -
College: University of Georgia
Best Known For: Being the brother of Robert Edwards.
Career Highlight: Setting the SEC receiving yardage total record and is second all-time in receptions in the conference.
Undistinguished NFL Career: Active for 6 games with the Atlanta Falcons during the 2003 season...has 1 NFL catch for 10 yards.
Where is He Now: Winnipeg Blue Bombers. Number one in the CFL for receving with 724 receptions, 1241 yards, and 9 TDs.

Ken Yon Rambo -
College: Ohio State University
Best Known For: Finishing eighth on OSU's all-time reception list with 106 career catches and seventh in receiving yards with 1,849. Also for setting a school record with a 22.9-yard average on 64 kick-off returns.
Career Highlight: Um see above? Methinks Rambo peaked a little too soon.
Undistinguished NFL Career: In 2 years with the Dallas Cowboys (2001-02) Rambo's total stats were 17 receptions for 239 yards.
Where is He Now: Calgary Stampeders. 14th in the CFL for receiving with 54 catches for 831 yards.

Jarious Jackson -
College: Notre Dame
Best Known For: Setting Notre Dame single-season records for passing yards (2,753, breaking Joe Theisman's record), completions (184), and attempts (316).
Career Highlight: Took Notre Dame to the 2000 Fiesta Bowl 1999 Gator Bowl...the highlight ended there, Notre Dame lost 41-9 to Oregon State 35-28 to Georgia Tech. Took the Barcelona Dragons's to World Bowl IX...they lost to the Berlin Thunder 24-17.
Undistinguished NFL Career: Drafted in the 7th round by the Broncos, Jackson had a 4 year career with Denver with just 5 games played, completing 11 of 22 passes for 114 yards.
Where is He Now: British Columbia Lions. 7th best QB in the league with a rating of 84.1 with 2248 yards and 53% completions. He is also 13th in rushing with 254 yards.

Others you may remember: Tay Cody (Florida State & San Diego Chargers); Anthony Davis (Wisconsin and Indianapolis Colts); Timmy Chang (Hawaii); Jamaica Jackson (South Carolina); Zeke Moreno (Southern Cal. & San Diego Chargers); Ike Charlton (Va Tech & Seattle Seahawks); Kliff Kingsbury (Texas Tech & various NFL teams)

CFL Stats provided by The Sports Network

Random Video of Horrific Violence: Furries Beatdown

Something about seeing a bunch of people in animal costumes beating the shit outta a couple of fools behind the stage of a live performance makes me smile. Do not fuck with the carnies!!

Snow White Don't Know Nothin About No London

Miami Dolphins linebacker Channing Crowder is a funny man, that is him in that outfit, someone needs to give him a blog. He was interviewed yesterday and told the reporter that he didn't know they spoke English in London and more. Look at this entry from the Palm Beach Post blogger Tim Graham:

“I couldn’t find London on a map if they didn’t have the names of the countries,” Crowder said. “I swear to God. I don’t know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I learned that.

“I know (Washington Redskins linebacker) London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That’s the closest thing I know to London. He’s black, so I’m sure he’s not from London. I’m sure that’s a coincidental name.”

When reminded Dolphins practice squad receiver and NFL Europe veteran Marvin Allen is from London, Crowder’s standup routine didn’t miss a beat.

“He’s from London?” Crowder said. “I knew he was from over there because he talks funny. I was surprised (when they met) because — I don’t want to say he didn’t look the part because that’s a stereotype — but he didn’t look the part. I heard him talk, and I thought he had a recorder and was just mouthing.”

Someone, give this man a blog. I have to hear his thoughts aboot Canadians. Oh, in case you thought i'd forget, what the hell is up with that Snow White outfit? Someone help me here.

(Chimp Note: I love that 100% Injury Rate found this on Digg at the same time as me...hilarious, i like WCK's write up better, but my picture rocks.)

Say Chowda! Say It! Say It!

9/11 president Rudy Giuliani has finally given in to terror. The New England variety that is. I'm not sure how that differs from the Middle Eastern kind. Maybe it's like the difference between Manhattan and New England Clam Chowder. One threatens you with WMDs and the other corners you and blabbers on in a terrible accent about how wicked ahsome the Pats and Sawx ah. The people, not the chowder. I'm not sure which is worse but I do know that strong analysis like this shows I should be working for the RAND Corporation.

Rudy has come out and said that he'll be rooting for the Boston Red Sox in the World Series starting tonight. He made the admission during a campaign stop in Boston.

"I'm an American League fan, and I go with the American League team, maybe with the exception of the Mets," he said. "Maybe that would be the one time I wouldn't because I'm loyal to New York."

An assclown says what? Is Big Perm the last man who believes in principalities? Think of how everyone who suffered through 9/11 feels knowing that the one man who single-handedly saved everyone doesn't have the courage to stand by his proclaimed principles. This is the same guy who gave the Yankees a sweetheart deal before checking out. Why doesn't he piss on Yankee Stadium while he's at it?

If he can't stand up to douchebags in faded Red Sox hats, how's he going to stand up to Ahmadinejad and 48 Italian prime ministers on scooters? At least LeBron supported the Yankees from childhood. Is Rudy going to side with evil if it looks like they're coming back from the equivalent of a 3-1 deficit? There's no hope. We've already lost.

On the upside, I can't wait until Mitt Romney comes out and promises to blow the entire Boston starting rotation to show how much more committed he is to the Red Sox than Rudy.

Cause I'm Mr. Brightside

"We can't win in America. Maybe we can win overseas."
-- Miami Dolphins' Jason Taylor speaking to The Guardian.

Master Of The Own Goal

Frank Sinclair was, is and will be the master of the own goal. Witness the glory that is Frank Sinclair.



I bring up Mr. Sinclair because of a quality own goal from this past weekend. Sunderland was holding on to a 1-1 draw with West Ham when Sunderland keeper Craig Gordon pulled a Sinclair.
Skip to 1:34 to witness the next coming.


West Ham V Sunderland
Uploaded by LiveFooty

In all fairness, there wasn't much he could have done about it but it still makes for some quality laughs.

Oooh Him Book Read Good!

What do you think of when you think of Alabama coach Nick Saban? Honor? Integrity? Accountability? Yeah me too.

Alabama is investigating itself for potential violations of NCAA rules governing the distribution of free textbooks to athletes. "Student-athletes" are not supposed to receive more textbooks than are required for their coursework.

Alabama starting offensive linemen Antoine Caldwell and Marlon Davis, tailback Glen Coffee and defensive backs Marquis Johnson and Chris Rogers were suspended for Alabama's 41-17 victory over Tennessee on Saturday. University officials said the suspensions involved impermissible receipt of textbooks.

Saban responded by saying that the players used "poor judgment". However he didn't stop there.

Head coach Nick Saban said Monday the players used "poor judgment," but that the university's textbook distribution system for athletes also failed the players.

"No one at the university wants me to say it, but it's true," Saban said in a speech to the Monday Morning Quarterback Club.

"We had some guys use poor judgment in how they did it," Saban said. "Now, the NCAA might see it as an extra benefit. We saw it, we reported it. But the system failed the players, too. If we call a bad play and it doesn't work, we're responsible."

Way to pass the buck, Saban. Those textbooks are as tempting as an Alabama sorority girl on her knees. If they keep giving, the players will keep taking. "Give it to me, mandingo! I hope my dad doesn't find out!" It's not fair of people to keep offering them cars, clothes, money, hoes and biochemistry textbooks.

The Alabama case is similar to a case involving Ball State which was placed on two years probation for the same violations.

In the Ball State case, the NCAA said last week the infractions involved 89 athletes in 10 sports from the spring semester of 2003 to the end of the 2004-05 school year. The athletes obtained $26,944 in books for classes in which they weren't enrolled and, in some cases, got more than one copy of a book, which they gave to others, the NCAA said.

I guess we can't blame Saban. It's not like he knows anything about taking responsibility for one's actions. Rubble rubble!

Picture Of The Day

What the fuck, Didier? I demand that Michael Strahan and Osi Umenyiora dress in full soccer uniforms complete with socks over the knees.

Tangent. Baseball managers wear baseball uniforms. Shouldn't coaches and managers in other sports be required to wear the same uniforms as their players? If Lou Pinella has to squeeze into a baseball uniform, Nellie should be required to wear a Warriors uniform. Joe Gibbs should be forced to wear a Skins uniform and go with a single bar like Theismann. How great would it be to see Wade Phillips or Andy Reid in a football uniform or Sir Alex Ferguson in a Manchester United kit? Dave Wannstedt should wear a mascot uniform as his continued presence in the coaching ranks is an insult to the game.

Then again the Giants could use a little Soul Glo on their roster to go with that Guy Whimper.

Don't F--k With The Haka

It wouldn't be a proper Tri-Nations without your 2007 Rugby World Cup winners South Africa so here's a gem from the 80s TV show Spitting Image. Leave it to the English to bring this up during the leadup to the RWC final this past weekend. Before you get all uppity, self-righteous and Peace Corps on us, remember this was made during the apartheid era when I wouldn't play Sun City.