Midnight At The Oasis

Dateline N9ne Steakouse (Palms), Las Vegas - Tom Brady is having dinner with Gisele when he looks up and sees Randy Moss at a table across the way, wearing a bib and throwing down on lobster. He walks over to say hello.

Tom: “Randy! What’s up man? What are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be studying the playbook? Hahaha!”

Randy says nothing and continues to gulp lobster tails like a crocodile on a baby zebra.

Tom: “Dude, it’s me! Tom. Tom Brady. Your quarterback?”

Randy looks up, says nothing and continues to slurp the lobster tails like a Thai boy on Gary Glitter.

Tom: “Hey it’s really good to see you. We need to do more bonding and get right so when the season starts, we can get off to a good start and Coach won’t beat me stupid like Ted Johnson while yelling ‘Grogan!’ and ‘Eason!’ and slobbering on his sweatshirt. That’s a good idea, right?”

Randy looks up, shrugs, says nothing and starts shoving crab cakes in his mouth two at a time.

Tom: “Awesome. That’s really awesome. Hey … where’d you get the seafood? This is a steakhouse. I didn’t know you could get that here. How’d you get it?”

Randy looks up, points out the window and polishes off the crab cakes and cleans the plate with his tongue like a zamboni.

Tom (waving Gisele to come over): “Hey, I want you to meet my girl. The one I didn’t knock up. Sweet! This is Gisele. Gisele, this is Randy. We’re going to play together this year.”

Gisele: “Hi Randy. I heard a lot about you. I like playing too. Yay cookies!! I want pao de queijo!”

Tom: “Yeah she’s really awesome. Smokin’ too.”

A manager comes over and asks if Tom and Randy will pose for a picture together. After a pause and a sigh, Randy slowly rises and stands next to Tom. Gisele jumps in between them and puts her arms around both of them.

Tom: “Hey man, lemme pick up your meal. It’s the least I can do to welcome you to the team.”

Gisele: “Randy, I hear you like taking your pants off in front of crowds. I do too! We’re going to be super awesome friends in no time!”

As they pose for the picture, Randy puts the calamari down and stealthily moves his hand to Gisele’s ass as a waiter takes their picture. A smile creeps across his face. He really thinks he’s going to like New England.